Tell me you love me, um....Seriously?

I have not blogged in a long time because I was dealing with a lot of things in my life. My daughter had her track season, I had a graduation, and I was busy trying to salvage an already broken and corrupted relationship.This post is not about man bashing, love bashing, relationship bashing. This post is how I feel about certain aspects of the word and how it has been taken so loosely that i may have lost most of it's value. I may get a little personal in this post, don't judge me. I have never judged any of you.

Love is one of those words that is full of hope, purity, and promise. Sometimes the promises made by the people that claim to love you are empty. As I previously stated, I was busy in a relationship that had failed before it started. The relationship failed due to the empty promises of love. The love was real on my side but I felt that eventually he spoke about love because he felt a moral obligation. As I was the only one who looked out for him for the years we were together and even after. Towards the end of the relationship and till this day he claims to love me. The one thing I will let you know readers is that actions will always speak louder than words. Based on the person's actions, you will know if the love is empty and all of the promises made are as well.... They will be emptier than a buffet next to a weight watchers convention. (no offense to those in the weight watchers program. You are doing great keep up the good work. It actually works for some people.)

There are things that you should know about love. That is of course if you don't already know them. Love is not easy. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with in life. It is not a romance story from begging till the end. There will be fights. There will be disagreements. There will be days that you say, "Seriously?!?" but the one thing you need to know is that when the love is real. There will be no infidelity. There will be no lies. There will be no violence. There will be no empty promises.

There are a lot of people out here who are in love with the idea of being in love. I am guilty of this myself. Who doesn't want that happily ever after? But how do you expect to know if it is real love after 2 weeks of dating? You don't. You can be in lust. You can really like someone strongly, but love? C'mon ladies and gents, let's do better. Let's stop expecting dudes/ girls to tell us they love us meanwhile they have never smelled one of your farts. Or have never seen you in the morning without your make up. Don't force these guys/girls into something they are not ready for. If they love you they will let you know with their actions and their words.

Don't someone to tell you that they love you because it stokes your ego during sex. Don't feed these folks with empty promises and empty hope because you need a place to live or want those new Jordan's that came out. Did you know that when you tell someone you love them, that they actually think you mean it? They think you will be faithful, that they will be the only one, and that most women start picking out bathroom curtains for your home?

Don't say it unless you mean it. Smell each others farts first. See her in the morning with no makeup. Men be sure that you are ready to keep your penis in your pants when around other women (or men if you are gay). Make sure that the person has everything or at least most things you are looking for. Trust me. This will help you. It will reduce the threats that you receive when you decide that the hoe or dude from down the street will suit you better. It will spare you the lines of "but I thought you loved me!" or "but you said I was the only one you ever really loved."

The moral of the story my poppers is that you should not ask someone to tell you that they love you. Or say it because you feel obligated. Say it only if you really mean it and stop making promises you can't keep.

If you have any funny stories.... about this topic please do share. *crunches popcorn on my pillows*

Back on the Market. Do's and dont's

From time to time I ask my blog readers for blog ideas. Today was one of those days. I realized that I hadn't blogged for some time and I thought it was time. I received a message today from a very old friend of mine. The contents of the message were rather surprising to me. It was for a blog idea and it was really personal. I know that the only reason why this was sent to me was because my opinion as a friend is valued and more than likely the person wanted to see my spin on things.

The message read that my friend would soon be divorced to their high school sweet heart. This was the only lover that my friend has known. 17 years, 3 kids, a house, cars and many responsibilities later my friend will be on the dating scene again soon. I am pretty sure that my friend has a valid reason for the divorce and I didn't want to pry too much. I know that if it were me and I was in a 17 year relationship that fell apart for whatever reason the last thing I would want would be a pity party filled with questions that would open the wounds of what I was going through.

So now that we have the background, I want to talk to you about dating after a long term relationship. What are some of the Do's and Don'ts to getting back on the dating scene. I am not an expert at this and anything that I blog at this point is based solely on opinion.

DO: find yourself. After a long term relationship that went sour you may not know who you are anymore. Maybe you decide that the things you liked during your relationship were only because your spouse or significant other liked them. Sample life and give new things a try.

DON'T: Sample life by sampling every single person of the opposite sex. That may find you in the free clinic trying to find a cure.

DO: Learn to love yourself. Maybe the relationship left you broken. Maybe it left you doubtful about your looks or your personality. As people, especially if we are hurt, there are times that we tend to blame ourselves. Learn to love you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.

DON'T: Become a pompous selfish jerk who is obnoxious and only thinks about themselves. Just because you love yourself it doesn't mean that the world doesn't exist.

DO: Learn to let go and forgive. I was told once that the best way to heal is forgiveness. You have to forgive the other person for all the hurt and pain that they caused you. This may take a little time. It doesn't happen over night. When you decide to forgive the person you have to speak the words to them. "I wanted to let you know that I forgive you for all of the pain that you may have caused me and I want to apologize for anything wrong I may have done on my part to hurt you as well." Once this is done it will feel like an 1200 lb gorilla has been lifted from off your shoulders.

DON'T: Tell the person you forgive them and then curse them out and cause other dramas. This is uber counter productive. And it means that you really don't forgive that person.

DO: Something nice for yourself for once. I know that when you have been a relationship for some time you tend to forget about a very important person. YOURSELF. Book a spa day, buy yourself something nice, take a get away trip. Make it some thing special.

DON'T: Max out all of your credit cards and bury yourself in debt because the popcorn popper said to do something nice for yourself. I will not pay your bills and I will not let anyone move into my house cause you lost it all being irresponsible.

DO: Learn to trust again. If you don't trust anyone going out into the dating world will be useless. Because at every date you would wonder how many husbands, wives, baby mothers or fathers the person really has regardless of what they tell you.

DON'T: Blindly believe everything you are told. If the person says something that seems extremely far fetched, hell it probably is. For example: Your date says "I am a millionaire, I have money in off shore accounts." But you had to pick them up cause they have no car and you had to pay for half the meal because they "forgot their card". IF IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT guess what? IT'S SHIT.

DO: Allow yourself to be set up on a blind date. Just for the fun of it. Take a chance. Maybe the person is a good match. If it turns out that they are not, you can at least try to have fun.

DON'T: Start off with heavy conversations on the first date by talking about your failed past and all 18 of your kids. Keep the conversation light and friendly. Try to allow them to get to know you without giving out all of the details all at once. You need to try to keep their interest.

Ok, at this point I have given out a lot of information. I want some of my readers to comment and give some additional DO's and DONT's. Seeing the perspective of my readers is always great. and GO

Is love battle?

The past few days I have been counseling a friend of mine through some silly love issues that he has been having. I couldn't help but to wonder, is love really a battlefield? Before you close the page saying "yo this broad has lost her mind", just read me out. For ages the sexes have been battling each other. Games of cat and mouse, like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Or better yet like the Hatfields and the McCoys. But why? Some people say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I am here to tell you we aren't.

Men and women alike all seek the same thing in a mate. Great sex, to feel loved, to have someone to wipe their asses when they are older, and to get the "look". Please don't confuse this with good looks. Physical appearances fade. If you are solely about looks then you will never be happy. Anyway, if you have ever gotten the "look" then you know what I am talking about. It's the look you get when someone accepts you flaws and all. The "Oh my god, you are so perfect" look. Meanwhile you got on holey underwear, look like you fell off the back of the car while it was moving, and socks that are suspect. You know the ones you found near the foot of the bed but didn't smell bad and looked clean so you wore them anyway.

The reason we play games is because everyone is afraid of getting hurt. So they give a little then take some back. Oh, you said something that hurt my feelings? now I have to build up 10 foot walls. Living with 10 foot walls will get you lonely and bitter as hell. Trust me. I had to learn to break down those dumb ass walls. I had to shed my bags. Shit my ass had a shopping cart full of baggage. I had to start looking at the bright side. Do I still complain? Hell yea, I'm a woman. I think we complain 80 percent of the time. But things have gotten way better.

I'm here to challenge my readers to stop building walls. Your feelings got hurt in the past that's nice. Write a poem, paint a picture, take a long walk and get over it. Don't take it out on the new guy or girl because it wasn't  their fault.  Be yourself, if they don't like who you are then chances are they don't really like you. But don't hate them for how they feel. Respect peoples feelings so your feelings are respected. Sometimes the very thing we want and need is standing in front of us the whole time and we are too busy trying to be masons building walls. Aside from keeping people from hurting you, you also keep people from really loving you.

Stop the war, love, and let yourselves be loved.

That's all for now...

Loving yourself

Today I briefly want to touch on loving yourself. No my usual readers I am not talking about getting it on with BoB or Palmela. I am talking about loving who you are from the inside out. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes. I know a lot of people think that they love themselves but secretly they don't. They hide behind masks, making the world think that things are awesome.

A lot of time as people we put ourselves in positions that make us question if we truly love ourselves. During a conversation with my sister she made a great point. She said that I have great advice and she doesnt judge me for my mistakes because she knows things are easier said than done. With that being said I have done some real questionable stuff in my lifetime but I never have stopped loving myself.

Sometimes you have to learn how to love yourself more to know the difference between doing things that are self destructive and just making decisions based on things that seemed like a great idea. This is something that takes time. I am learning more about who I am everyday and who I want to be.

When I was younger I wanted to get a tatoo on my back that said "Love yourself above anyone else". People thought this was controversial because they said what about God and your kids? Well let me tell you this. If I don't know how to love me, how can I love God or my kids? Food for thought.

The first part of loving yourself is smiling more, from the inside. I know this is hard but sometimes a smile will warm you up for great things to come. The next thing you need to do is look in the mirror. You have to learn to love what you see. You don't like your weight? Excercise. etc Please do not make excuses. Then you will fall into the pit of self pity and your self worthwill go out the window.

The next thing you need to do is Learn to forgive. No I am not saying to tell someone they are forgiven and still hold that hate in your heart. To truly forgive is to let go of the hurt. How can you love if you are holding on to anger? That doesnt work. Been there done that.

Another great thing to do is to surround yourself with positive people. I was told you dress for the job you want not the job you have. This applies to life too. If your friends are always miserable then that will rub off on you or people will assume because birds of a feather flock together. Make sure in that group you have a great listener. Some times its good to be able to talk to someone when you are going through things.

The last secret I will give you is to give yourself time to heal. A lot of times I see people go from relationship to relationship without allowing themselves to get over the last. Relationships do not have to be romanctic ones. Maybe a friendship went bad etc. I have been there. It was getting me no where. I have been trying to find me for a long time because I had become someone that I didn't recognize anymore. So give yourself time. Not a week.  oh and please I am not telling you to wallow in self pity..Not at all. my cousin said it best when he said FTP (Fuck them Putos).

Leave you on this note... You life is what you make it so why not make it the best possible experience ever?!?!?!?!