Hello Everyone!! I know i haven't written in a while but i was
recently reminded of how awesome my blog can be so here I am blogging
about a random subject. Have you ever been minding your own business and
have sen or heard something that was so outrageous or plain disgusting
and you couldn't help but say to yourself, "I am no expert, but...
I
had one of those moments today at work. I was in the Ladies room, aka
the office minding my own business in the stall, and by that i mean i
was pooping and playing candy crush (don't act like you don't need
entertainment on the toilet or poop) , and someone walks in the
bathroom. This is always very awkward especially if you are mid poop and
the door closes and they here the splash. Ok, enough of the poop talk.
So i sat there in silence, kind of like Madea does in her plays when she
is pretending no one can see her, and the person begins to wash their
hands. I think oh nice thats awesome clean your hands before you have to
wipe your vagina. That's sanitary.
I continued to sit
there in silence and realized that the person began to wash dishes in
the bathroom sink. Now, I am no expert, but that's nasty and a quick way
to get ecoli. I mean people wipe their asses, then touch the soap
dispenser, then touch the sink knobs with their shitty soapy hands.But
someone in this world thought it would be a great idea to was dishes in
the bathroom sink. What made it nastier is that I heard a utensil
clanking around. *makes vomit sound* I had every intention on splashing a
poop in the toilet but i was so grossed out by this woman washing her
dishes in the sink. Maybe it would make sense if she were at home and
have just sanitized the whole bathroom and her kitchen sink was broken.
Who washes dishes in a public bathroom? Then we wonder why people are sick everywhere? Sheesh.
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Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Sunday, December 1, 2013
False Advertisement made by Rooftop 760
A friend and I decided to celebrate our birthday at Rooftop 760. We decided that we would buy some bottles and the website seemed to have a good deal. I had her call and reserve the bottles. We were under the impression that for $600 that we would get 2 bottles of liquor, a bottle of champagne, 12 guest free all night, all our other guests free before midnight. It also says something about flier design. It seemed like a great deal so we put in a deposit and submitted our guest list.
When we got to the venue we found that they did not have our guest list. We were told that there would be 10 guests free and everyone else had to pay. It wasn't even midnight. This was pretty upsetting but I was sure that once we got in everything else was going to run smoothly. Boy was I wrong. That was just the beginning of the crap that we were to face throughout the night.
My friend had two guests that were not allowed in initially because they had on shoes with white bottoms. The flier said that the dress code is no hats, no sneakers, no t-shirts. Nothing about no white bottom shoes. We saw people inside with shoes on with white bottoms. We put in a complaint and eventually they were let into the club. Did I mention that later in the night I saw someone in white shell top Adidas? Those are clearly sneakers. Hmmm.
Still on the topic of the dress code 2 of my friends were turned away at the door because one of them had on a champion sweater over his actual club clothes. It was cold outside and he opted to wear the sweater instead of his coat. He had showed them his cardigan and shirt under and they told him no. I told him to take the sweater off and hand it to me. They then let him in. Did I mention the dress code did not say no sweatshirts? Hmm... Again. There was also another poor guest of another group that was not allowed in because he had on Timberland boots. Where in the dress code did it say no work boots? SMH. It didn't.
Now let me talk to you about the false advertisement of the bottle service. We paid and they bought us 2 bottles of liquor. We did not get the champagne as advertised. I spoke to the promoter and was told that on top the of $600 dollars paid that we would have to pay an additional $20.00 for house champagne. I told him that it was not what was posted on the website. He said to show him where it said we would get champagne in the package. I opened up the browser on my phone and showed him where it said that. He then selected another link for birthdays that said that information about the $20.00. So the website has a discrepancy in information provide to the customers. You would think that based on this he would comp us the $20.00 bottle of house champagne. Nope. He didn't. Let's also mention that we got no customized fliers or birthday shout outs that were advertised on the second page he opened.
I asked someone working in the club to speak to the manager. I had to wait 20 minutes to speak to someone. Once he arrived he told me he was the manager of Copacabana and that he had no control over the party. They rent the space to the promoter for Rooftop 760. He said that he would speak to the promoter and come back to see me. He asked me to stay where I was. I waited for almost an hour. When he did finally speak to me he said that the promoter would be by our table. The promoter never came.
I wasted 4 hours of my night trying to get things situated. By the time I had a chance to have fun I was too drunk to enjoy myself. My poor friends kept passing me drinks to calm me down so I could relax. This was a lesson well learned. I am pretty sure that was my last time attending that venue. It is definitely my last time purchasing bottle service at a night club. It's expensive and not worth the aggravation.
Below are some screen shots from Rooftop 760's fliers and contradicting posted information. Consumers beware. These people will take your money and won't give a damn about providing quality customer service.
Compliments of http://www.theupscalegroup.com/event_details.php?eid=256
What we thought we were getting
From another part of the website under the birthday tab.
Their flier.
Saturday, August 24, 2013
break up worth your ex, do you break up with the family?
This is something that is always will be controversial. People often wonder if it is ok to keep their relationship with the family after a break up. I am here to tell you that depending on the situation it may be ok but there is always a price. This is something I have experienced first hand. When my ex and I broke up the first time, although we were on bad terms I was on great terms woth his family.
I was determined to continue the relationship I had with his family for the sake of my son. Thinsgs weren't always great and there were plenty of awkward moments. especially durong the holidays when he would come around with his new girlfriend at the time. Her and I had issues that are no longer important. But back to the awkwardness of the situation. His mom would invite me and I would ask if they would be there. I would tell her I would come when they left.
Unlike alot of people I'd rather not purposely put myself in an awkward situation I may not be able to handle. So I felt like this caused a big strain on the friendship I had with her but she would never say. While I maintained my relationship with his mom I allowed the relationship I had with his cousins diminsish. I took a really big step back that I regretted later because I loved them like my own family.
Honestly if the relationship that you have with your exes family is real and not something that was just cordial because you were dating, you will know. The people would still reach out to you as if nothing has changed. My situation was different as there was a child involved. But there were days where I felt contining the relationships were not worth it. Thissi why ddeciding to break up with the family is something that you as the individual has to decide.
Now!!! If you never had a relationship with your exes family amd now all of a sudden you are reaching out to them to try to keep tabs on your ex then you are dead wrong. No one wants you hanging around talking shit all the time. Like seriously, go get a life. Join a dating site. Join a book club. Find a hobby. Find a therapist and move on with your life.
Anyone want to share some stories about their exes that befriend their families? Or vice versa?
I was determined to continue the relationship I had with his family for the sake of my son. Thinsgs weren't always great and there were plenty of awkward moments. especially durong the holidays when he would come around with his new girlfriend at the time. Her and I had issues that are no longer important. But back to the awkwardness of the situation. His mom would invite me and I would ask if they would be there. I would tell her I would come when they left.
Unlike alot of people I'd rather not purposely put myself in an awkward situation I may not be able to handle. So I felt like this caused a big strain on the friendship I had with her but she would never say. While I maintained my relationship with his mom I allowed the relationship I had with his cousins diminsish. I took a really big step back that I regretted later because I loved them like my own family.
Honestly if the relationship that you have with your exes family is real and not something that was just cordial because you were dating, you will know. The people would still reach out to you as if nothing has changed. My situation was different as there was a child involved. But there were days where I felt contining the relationships were not worth it. Thissi why ddeciding to break up with the family is something that you as the individual has to decide.
Now!!! If you never had a relationship with your exes family amd now all of a sudden you are reaching out to them to try to keep tabs on your ex then you are dead wrong. No one wants you hanging around talking shit all the time. Like seriously, go get a life. Join a dating site. Join a book club. Find a hobby. Find a therapist and move on with your life.
Anyone want to share some stories about their exes that befriend their families? Or vice versa?
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Peddler of the plastic penis
In one of my previous posts I blogged that I am now a passion party consultant. What a passion party consultant does is they go and present "passion products" also known as dildos, vibrators, lubricants, lotions, games, etc. So far I have really been enjoying myself. There are some ups and some downs to this profession. Of course the up is that I make extra money as I talk about sex. I think that men are the most closed minded when it comes to introducing things into the bedroom.
One of the down falls of being a consultant is that men do not take what you do seriously. I have had some requests where I thought this might not be worth it. Sometimes you have to learn to ignore these request. I have the uber perverts that say, oh can i get a demonstration. I reply: "Sure, when you buy one for your wife you can watch her use it all the time."
There are the guys that think that they do not need anything to assist them in the bed room. While this may or may not be true. What these men don't know is that they can avoid going out looking for new vagina if they keep things new and exciting in the bedroom. Passion parties is not only about dildos and vibrators. There are things for the guys like stay hard cream to keep their penis a little harder a little longer without ingesting Viagra or other pills for erectile dysfunction. Might keep your lady happy. Did you know that a woman is happier when she achieves orgasm? and that more than 30% of women never have an orgasm? yea. them bitches be faking it. Get her something to play with in the bedroom while you play with her. If it outlasts you well that's a good thing.
My favorite type of close minded guy is the one that thinks they are funny. The one's that say: "why do I need lubricant when I have spit?" um, let's see because its SPIT!! Besides being nasty, spit dries up a lot faster than lubricant. I guess some men have it all figured out. Meanwhile, more women are turning to other women for pleasure and love than ever before.
Today I had the most embarrassing thing happen to me at my main job. I don't go around telling everyone what I do on the side because I work in a corporate environment and I don't want to get fired for having inappropriate conversations in the work place. Well, I was talking to someone about the products. The office male slut. I mean he has a woman for every pair of socks. He is also a somewhat nice guy. Who would have thought that would go hand in hand? So he is kind of like that annoying little brother to me. So I was telling him that he should check out my website and support my business. I didn't get into details. He blurts out: "what am i going to do with a room full of dildos?" All of sudden you heard like 8 "Whats!?!" I moved away from him sooooo face with my face beat red and hid in my cubicle for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted to cut him but it was really funny. Good thing none of us got in trouble. I would have gone to jail if i lost my job.
So my lady readers, do you think men need to be more open in the bedroom?
Male readers, if you are not open to new things, why not?
One of the down falls of being a consultant is that men do not take what you do seriously. I have had some requests where I thought this might not be worth it. Sometimes you have to learn to ignore these request. I have the uber perverts that say, oh can i get a demonstration. I reply: "Sure, when you buy one for your wife you can watch her use it all the time."
There are the guys that think that they do not need anything to assist them in the bed room. While this may or may not be true. What these men don't know is that they can avoid going out looking for new vagina if they keep things new and exciting in the bedroom. Passion parties is not only about dildos and vibrators. There are things for the guys like stay hard cream to keep their penis a little harder a little longer without ingesting Viagra or other pills for erectile dysfunction. Might keep your lady happy. Did you know that a woman is happier when she achieves orgasm? and that more than 30% of women never have an orgasm? yea. them bitches be faking it. Get her something to play with in the bedroom while you play with her. If it outlasts you well that's a good thing.
My favorite type of close minded guy is the one that thinks they are funny. The one's that say: "why do I need lubricant when I have spit?" um, let's see because its SPIT!! Besides being nasty, spit dries up a lot faster than lubricant. I guess some men have it all figured out. Meanwhile, more women are turning to other women for pleasure and love than ever before.
Today I had the most embarrassing thing happen to me at my main job. I don't go around telling everyone what I do on the side because I work in a corporate environment and I don't want to get fired for having inappropriate conversations in the work place. Well, I was talking to someone about the products. The office male slut. I mean he has a woman for every pair of socks. He is also a somewhat nice guy. Who would have thought that would go hand in hand? So he is kind of like that annoying little brother to me. So I was telling him that he should check out my website and support my business. I didn't get into details. He blurts out: "what am i going to do with a room full of dildos?" All of sudden you heard like 8 "Whats!?!" I moved away from him sooooo face with my face beat red and hid in my cubicle for the rest of the afternoon. I wanted to cut him but it was really funny. Good thing none of us got in trouble. I would have gone to jail if i lost my job.
So my lady readers, do you think men need to be more open in the bedroom?
Male readers, if you are not open to new things, why not?
Monday, August 19, 2013
Tell me you love me, um....Seriously?
I have not blogged in a long time because I was dealing with a lot of things in my life. My daughter had her track season, I had a graduation, and I was busy trying to salvage an already broken and corrupted relationship.This post is not about man bashing, love bashing, relationship bashing. This post is how I feel about certain aspects of the word and how it has been taken so loosely that i may have lost most of it's value. I may get a little personal in this post, don't judge me. I have never judged any of you.
Love is one of those words that is full of hope, purity, and promise. Sometimes the promises made by the people that claim to love you are empty. As I previously stated, I was busy in a relationship that had failed before it started. The relationship failed due to the empty promises of love. The love was real on my side but I felt that eventually he spoke about love because he felt a moral obligation. As I was the only one who looked out for him for the years we were together and even after. Towards the end of the relationship and till this day he claims to love me. The one thing I will let you know readers is that actions will always speak louder than words. Based on the person's actions, you will know if the love is empty and all of the promises made are as well.... They will be emptier than a buffet next to a weight watchers convention. (no offense to those in the weight watchers program. You are doing great keep up the good work. It actually works for some people.)
There are things that you should know about love. That is of course if you don't already know them. Love is not easy. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with in life. It is not a romance story from begging till the end. There will be fights. There will be disagreements. There will be days that you say, "Seriously?!?" but the one thing you need to know is that when the love is real. There will be no infidelity. There will be no lies. There will be no violence. There will be no empty promises.
There are a lot of people out here who are in love with the idea of being in love. I am guilty of this myself. Who doesn't want that happily ever after? But how do you expect to know if it is real love after 2 weeks of dating? You don't. You can be in lust. You can really like someone strongly, but love? C'mon ladies and gents, let's do better. Let's stop expecting dudes/ girls to tell us they love us meanwhile they have never smelled one of your farts. Or have never seen you in the morning without your make up. Don't force these guys/girls into something they are not ready for. If they love you they will let you know with their actions and their words.
Don't someone to tell you that they love you because it stokes your ego during sex. Don't feed these folks with empty promises and empty hope because you need a place to live or want those new Jordan's that came out. Did you know that when you tell someone you love them, that they actually think you mean it? They think you will be faithful, that they will be the only one, and that most women start picking out bathroom curtains for your home?
Don't say it unless you mean it. Smell each others farts first. See her in the morning with no makeup. Men be sure that you are ready to keep your penis in your pants when around other women (or men if you are gay). Make sure that the person has everything or at least most things you are looking for. Trust me. This will help you. It will reduce the threats that you receive when you decide that the hoe or dude from down the street will suit you better. It will spare you the lines of "but I thought you loved me!" or "but you said I was the only one you ever really loved."
The moral of the story my poppers is that you should not ask someone to tell you that they love you. Or say it because you feel obligated. Say it only if you really mean it and stop making promises you can't keep.
If you have any funny stories.... about this topic please do share. *crunches popcorn on my pillows*
Love is one of those words that is full of hope, purity, and promise. Sometimes the promises made by the people that claim to love you are empty. As I previously stated, I was busy in a relationship that had failed before it started. The relationship failed due to the empty promises of love. The love was real on my side but I felt that eventually he spoke about love because he felt a moral obligation. As I was the only one who looked out for him for the years we were together and even after. Towards the end of the relationship and till this day he claims to love me. The one thing I will let you know readers is that actions will always speak louder than words. Based on the person's actions, you will know if the love is empty and all of the promises made are as well.... They will be emptier than a buffet next to a weight watchers convention. (no offense to those in the weight watchers program. You are doing great keep up the good work. It actually works for some people.)
There are things that you should know about love. That is of course if you don't already know them. Love is not easy. It is the hardest thing you will ever have to deal with in life. It is not a romance story from begging till the end. There will be fights. There will be disagreements. There will be days that you say, "Seriously?!?" but the one thing you need to know is that when the love is real. There will be no infidelity. There will be no lies. There will be no violence. There will be no empty promises.
There are a lot of people out here who are in love with the idea of being in love. I am guilty of this myself. Who doesn't want that happily ever after? But how do you expect to know if it is real love after 2 weeks of dating? You don't. You can be in lust. You can really like someone strongly, but love? C'mon ladies and gents, let's do better. Let's stop expecting dudes/ girls to tell us they love us meanwhile they have never smelled one of your farts. Or have never seen you in the morning without your make up. Don't force these guys/girls into something they are not ready for. If they love you they will let you know with their actions and their words.
Don't someone to tell you that they love you because it stokes your ego during sex. Don't feed these folks with empty promises and empty hope because you need a place to live or want those new Jordan's that came out. Did you know that when you tell someone you love them, that they actually think you mean it? They think you will be faithful, that they will be the only one, and that most women start picking out bathroom curtains for your home?
Don't say it unless you mean it. Smell each others farts first. See her in the morning with no makeup. Men be sure that you are ready to keep your penis in your pants when around other women (or men if you are gay). Make sure that the person has everything or at least most things you are looking for. Trust me. This will help you. It will reduce the threats that you receive when you decide that the hoe or dude from down the street will suit you better. It will spare you the lines of "but I thought you loved me!" or "but you said I was the only one you ever really loved."
The moral of the story my poppers is that you should not ask someone to tell you that they love you. Or say it because you feel obligated. Say it only if you really mean it and stop making promises you can't keep.
If you have any funny stories.... about this topic please do share. *crunches popcorn on my pillows*
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Pillow Passions
So My Poppees, the popcorn popper has been extremely busy lately. I decided to join the realm of Passions Parties. Anyone who knows me personally knows that I love all things sex. That's why one day I will be a sex therapist. I felt that I wanted to spread awareness about sexuality and sexual well being all while having a good time and making some money. Anyway....
I am a passion Parties consultant. I present passion products at parties and I allow the women to have fun and talk about things that would be faux pas in any other setting. I love doing this because it allows women to feel sexually liberated about things that they would like to experience. I also provide them with some ideas of things they can try with their spouse or significant others.
Some people think that adult toys are only for solo play and this is why so many people are against them. From what I have seen a lot of men forbid their wives to get an artificial penis because OMG god forbid something comes along that gives her a better orgasm than ME. I love to educate my clients on how the toys can be incorporated into the bedroom with their honey.
If a man learns that these toys are his friends rather than his enemies he will have a happier wife. I love when people say "oh my sex life is great no complaints there". Yet you find out that their spouse has been sneaking and creeping with this one that one and the next one. Fun fact. 35% of men in the USA suffer from premature ejaculation. That means he cums too quick. So if you are part of this 35 percentile, why not get something that will assist until you can get back on track to finish the job?
Also I heard that the average man ejaculates in 6 minutes and it takes the average woman 19 minutes to climax. I am pretty sure you guys can do simple math to figure out that that the men are coming up short!
This is not a men verses women. Nope. This is an eye opener as to why it is important to engage in foreplay and that maybe a vibrator or two can boost your sex life and really make a difference in your life. The better the sex the more you will want to engage in it. The more sex you have the happier you will be. Orgasms release endorphins. These are natural chemical simulators released from the brain that make you feel happy. More sex also improves your health. I do still recommend safe sex to those who are not married or that do not want to have children. So don't blame me if you get herpes from not being protected. There are responsibilities in having sex that should not be ignored.
Anyway I might be rambling. But please feel free to check out my website and make a purchase if you like. www.pillowpassions.com.
Please note next blog will be for the women. It will be about some reasons why male ejaculation is good for you.
I am a passion Parties consultant. I present passion products at parties and I allow the women to have fun and talk about things that would be faux pas in any other setting. I love doing this because it allows women to feel sexually liberated about things that they would like to experience. I also provide them with some ideas of things they can try with their spouse or significant others.
Some people think that adult toys are only for solo play and this is why so many people are against them. From what I have seen a lot of men forbid their wives to get an artificial penis because OMG god forbid something comes along that gives her a better orgasm than ME. I love to educate my clients on how the toys can be incorporated into the bedroom with their honey.
If a man learns that these toys are his friends rather than his enemies he will have a happier wife. I love when people say "oh my sex life is great no complaints there". Yet you find out that their spouse has been sneaking and creeping with this one that one and the next one. Fun fact. 35% of men in the USA suffer from premature ejaculation. That means he cums too quick. So if you are part of this 35 percentile, why not get something that will assist until you can get back on track to finish the job?
Also I heard that the average man ejaculates in 6 minutes and it takes the average woman 19 minutes to climax. I am pretty sure you guys can do simple math to figure out that that the men are coming up short!
This is not a men verses women. Nope. This is an eye opener as to why it is important to engage in foreplay and that maybe a vibrator or two can boost your sex life and really make a difference in your life. The better the sex the more you will want to engage in it. The more sex you have the happier you will be. Orgasms release endorphins. These are natural chemical simulators released from the brain that make you feel happy. More sex also improves your health. I do still recommend safe sex to those who are not married or that do not want to have children. So don't blame me if you get herpes from not being protected. There are responsibilities in having sex that should not be ignored.
Anyway I might be rambling. But please feel free to check out my website and make a purchase if you like. www.pillowpassions.com.
Please note next blog will be for the women. It will be about some reasons why male ejaculation is good for you.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Back on the Market. Do's and dont's
From time to time I ask my blog readers for blog ideas. Today was one of those days. I realized that I hadn't blogged for some time and I thought it was time. I received a message today from a very old friend of mine. The contents of the message were rather surprising to me. It was for a blog idea and it was really personal. I know that the only reason why this was sent to me was because my opinion as a friend is valued and more than likely the person wanted to see my spin on things.
The message read that my friend would soon be divorced to their high school sweet heart. This was the only lover that my friend has known. 17 years, 3 kids, a house, cars and many responsibilities later my friend will be on the dating scene again soon. I am pretty sure that my friend has a valid reason for the divorce and I didn't want to pry too much. I know that if it were me and I was in a 17 year relationship that fell apart for whatever reason the last thing I would want would be a pity party filled with questions that would open the wounds of what I was going through.
So now that we have the background, I want to talk to you about dating after a long term relationship. What are some of the Do's and Don'ts to getting back on the dating scene. I am not an expert at this and anything that I blog at this point is based solely on opinion.
DO: find yourself. After a long term relationship that went sour you may not know who you are anymore. Maybe you decide that the things you liked during your relationship were only because your spouse or significant other liked them. Sample life and give new things a try.
DON'T: Sample life by sampling every single person of the opposite sex. That may find you in the free clinic trying to find a cure.
DO: Learn to love yourself. Maybe the relationship left you broken. Maybe it left you doubtful about your looks or your personality. As people, especially if we are hurt, there are times that we tend to blame ourselves. Learn to love you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
DON'T: Become a pompous selfish jerk who is obnoxious and only thinks about themselves. Just because you love yourself it doesn't mean that the world doesn't exist.
DO: Learn to let go and forgive. I was told once that the best way to heal is forgiveness. You have to forgive the other person for all the hurt and pain that they caused you. This may take a little time. It doesn't happen over night. When you decide to forgive the person you have to speak the words to them. "I wanted to let you know that I forgive you for all of the pain that you may have caused me and I want to apologize for anything wrong I may have done on my part to hurt you as well." Once this is done it will feel like an 1200 lb gorilla has been lifted from off your shoulders.
DON'T: Tell the person you forgive them and then curse them out and cause other dramas. This is uber counter productive. And it means that you really don't forgive that person.
DO: Something nice for yourself for once. I know that when you have been a relationship for some time you tend to forget about a very important person. YOURSELF. Book a spa day, buy yourself something nice, take a get away trip. Make it some thing special.
DON'T: Max out all of your credit cards and bury yourself in debt because the popcorn popper said to do something nice for yourself. I will not pay your bills and I will not let anyone move into my house cause you lost it all being irresponsible.
DO: Learn to trust again. If you don't trust anyone going out into the dating world will be useless. Because at every date you would wonder how many husbands, wives, baby mothers or fathers the person really has regardless of what they tell you.
DON'T: Blindly believe everything you are told. If the person says something that seems extremely far fetched, hell it probably is. For example: Your date says "I am a millionaire, I have money in off shore accounts." But you had to pick them up cause they have no car and you had to pay for half the meal because they "forgot their card". IF IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT guess what? IT'S SHIT.
DO: Allow yourself to be set up on a blind date. Just for the fun of it. Take a chance. Maybe the person is a good match. If it turns out that they are not, you can at least try to have fun.
DON'T: Start off with heavy conversations on the first date by talking about your failed past and all 18 of your kids. Keep the conversation light and friendly. Try to allow them to get to know you without giving out all of the details all at once. You need to try to keep their interest.
Ok, at this point I have given out a lot of information. I want some of my readers to comment and give some additional DO's and DONT's. Seeing the perspective of my readers is always great. and GO
The message read that my friend would soon be divorced to their high school sweet heart. This was the only lover that my friend has known. 17 years, 3 kids, a house, cars and many responsibilities later my friend will be on the dating scene again soon. I am pretty sure that my friend has a valid reason for the divorce and I didn't want to pry too much. I know that if it were me and I was in a 17 year relationship that fell apart for whatever reason the last thing I would want would be a pity party filled with questions that would open the wounds of what I was going through.
So now that we have the background, I want to talk to you about dating after a long term relationship. What are some of the Do's and Don'ts to getting back on the dating scene. I am not an expert at this and anything that I blog at this point is based solely on opinion.
DO: find yourself. After a long term relationship that went sour you may not know who you are anymore. Maybe you decide that the things you liked during your relationship were only because your spouse or significant other liked them. Sample life and give new things a try.
DON'T: Sample life by sampling every single person of the opposite sex. That may find you in the free clinic trying to find a cure.
DO: Learn to love yourself. Maybe the relationship left you broken. Maybe it left you doubtful about your looks or your personality. As people, especially if we are hurt, there are times that we tend to blame ourselves. Learn to love you from the top of your head to the tips of your toes.
DON'T: Become a pompous selfish jerk who is obnoxious and only thinks about themselves. Just because you love yourself it doesn't mean that the world doesn't exist.
DO: Learn to let go and forgive. I was told once that the best way to heal is forgiveness. You have to forgive the other person for all the hurt and pain that they caused you. This may take a little time. It doesn't happen over night. When you decide to forgive the person you have to speak the words to them. "I wanted to let you know that I forgive you for all of the pain that you may have caused me and I want to apologize for anything wrong I may have done on my part to hurt you as well." Once this is done it will feel like an 1200 lb gorilla has been lifted from off your shoulders.
DON'T: Tell the person you forgive them and then curse them out and cause other dramas. This is uber counter productive. And it means that you really don't forgive that person.
DO: Something nice for yourself for once. I know that when you have been a relationship for some time you tend to forget about a very important person. YOURSELF. Book a spa day, buy yourself something nice, take a get away trip. Make it some thing special.
DON'T: Max out all of your credit cards and bury yourself in debt because the popcorn popper said to do something nice for yourself. I will not pay your bills and I will not let anyone move into my house cause you lost it all being irresponsible.
DO: Learn to trust again. If you don't trust anyone going out into the dating world will be useless. Because at every date you would wonder how many husbands, wives, baby mothers or fathers the person really has regardless of what they tell you.
DON'T: Blindly believe everything you are told. If the person says something that seems extremely far fetched, hell it probably is. For example: Your date says "I am a millionaire, I have money in off shore accounts." But you had to pick them up cause they have no car and you had to pay for half the meal because they "forgot their card". IF IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT AND IT LOOKS LIKE SHIT guess what? IT'S SHIT.
DO: Allow yourself to be set up on a blind date. Just for the fun of it. Take a chance. Maybe the person is a good match. If it turns out that they are not, you can at least try to have fun.
DON'T: Start off with heavy conversations on the first date by talking about your failed past and all 18 of your kids. Keep the conversation light and friendly. Try to allow them to get to know you without giving out all of the details all at once. You need to try to keep their interest.
Ok, at this point I have given out a lot of information. I want some of my readers to comment and give some additional DO's and DONT's. Seeing the perspective of my readers is always great. and GO
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