Bandwagon Bisexuals

First let me start by saying the popcorn popper is an equal opportunity writer. I do not discriminate on people for their sexual preferences, age, creed, color, gender etc. But I do have a problem with Bandwagon Bisexuals. Bandwagon Bisexuals are people who engage in bisexual activity to be like everyone else or to please someone else.

Let's not confuse a bandwagon bisexual with someone who is bi-curious. It is OK to be curious and see if it is something you like. After you have done it twice you are no longer curious. If you liked it then you are bisexual. If you didn't then stop having sex with people of the same sex dumbass.

Bandwagon Bisexuals make things difficult for people who are actually bisexual or gay. They go to the gay bars, they present themselves as liking the same sex but they actually don't. They engage in threesomes with their boyfriends for their boyfriend’s approval. They kiss women at the club when they are drunk. Stop leading people on!  If you like the snatch or the Cack... Then like it. Don't pretend to be something you are not.

It is hard enough being bi-sexual or gay without people posing to be when they really aren't. There are real bisexuals and Gay folks in the world who live in torment because they are afraid of losing everything for some wannabe to come along and play games. Nothing makes me more upset than a poser!

My message to the bandwagon bisexuals and gays is.... If you really don't like people of the same sex then stop having sex with them, stop dating them, stop leading them on. It would make things so much easier for them to date and deal with people who are really interested in them than to be dealing with some fake ass poser. If some guy or girl hurt you and you are tired of dating then stop dating the same kind of people. Going to another gender is not going to fix your problem. All you will do is date someone of the same sex who acts exactly the same as the person of the opposite sex did. Look within yourself and find who you are and why you keep dating Jerks and Bitches. Stop the Games!
 

Do you know any bandwagon gays and bisexuals? What is your message to them?

FTP!!!

There comes a time or two in our lives when we need to adapt the phrase FTP. This term came from my dear and ever loving cousin whom I love very much. The first time I saw FTP I thought it was flower shop talk. Yo cuz FTP! I was thinking he wanted me to order flowers from FTD and misspelled it. Little did I know it would be a life changing phrase.

FTP stands for Fuck Those Putos! FTP can be used in many situations. I will give you a few examples of where it can be applied to your life.

Your boyfriend dumps you or cheats? FTP!!!!!FTP!!!
Your homegirls stood you up on the weekend? FTP FTP!!!
You get passed up for a promotion? FTP FTP!!!
Someone is getting on your nerves? FTP!!!!
Someone steals your cab? FTP!!
Some hussie is hating on you? FTP!!!
Baby momma/ daddy drama? FTP!!!!


See there are many other ways FTP can be applied. Its more than a phrase it is a way of life. Why care what people think about you? FTP!!!!

Domestic violence.... take a stand

Today I want to take the time out to speak about the seriousness of domestic violence. I am not going to give you any statistics. I am going to hit you with cold hard realities. Domestic violence is something that affects everyone at one time or another. You do not need to be a victim to be affected. Or the person committing the violent act. Sometimes as people we know someone going through a situation.

Honestly domestic violence is a difficult situation to be in or know about. It doesn't matter whether you are the victim or loved one of a victim. How do you console someone with a black eye? How do you face your family with a black eye? How do you deal with someone who constantly goes back because "I love Him or Her"? Don't look at me for the answers because I do not have them.

Everyone always says that a person that stays in a bad situation has low self esteem. What is that is not the case? What if the person is scared for their lives?  People who stay in situations of domestic violence most often believe the person when they say they have changed or they will change. It's not because the abusee has low self worth. Sometimes you want to feel like the time you spent in the relationship wasn't a total waste.You want to feel like the person you love so much is able and capable to change to be with you. Unfortunately change hardly ever comes.

Abusive relationships are not limited to physical abuse. I want you to be able to recognize the mental and verbal abuse as well.  It is important for men and women to know when its time to say Fuck this and leave an abusive relationship. You have to build the strength within yourself and dig deep into your soul. Hopefully the realization doesn't come when it is too late.

Friends and relatives of victims.... Hear this please... Beating the abusers ass will not stop them from beating the abusee. The person being abused might go back after you have caught a case and you will have no one to blame but yourself. I know it is hard to pick up the broken pieces of your friends and relatives but try to counsel them. Through the but he/she loves me speech try not to hit your friend or relative because then you would be doing the same thing as the other person. Try to stick it out by your friends/ relatives side as long as you can and hopefully by your counseling they will see the light.

Domestic Violence is not a funny situation. I know because I have been there but I had to become strong and I had to look within myself for the strength to get up and leave. Till this day I am confident that I made the right decision and I do not regret it at all.

The worst condom ever made...

My pop-pees today I want to speak about the worst condom ever invented. I know some of you are thinking I am going to talk about the tiny Lifestyle condoms... but I am not because for little penis men those are the best things since sliced bread. The condoms that are on the top of my worst condom of all time list is..... Trojan Fire and Ice condoms.

I always promote safe sex because for some of you lord help you if you reproduce and for others well GYN's and MD's are tired of looking at blistering groins. I don't promote things I do not believe in.  Safe sex is important. With the right condom everything is great. Unfortunately Trojan fire and Ice is not one of them.

I thought the concept was cool. It warms and cools. This was not well thought out!! Holy hell I thought someone put icy hot on my vagina. It was not a good look! Now I know what gonorrhea victims experience (without the smell and oozing). I feel bad for them. I promise I wont clap my hands every time I see you anymore.. (you know cause they got the clap) Nah I am lying. Some of you guys need a standing ovation.

Anyway back to my poor vagina. The other day we joked on facebook about Jalapeno pussy. Having something hot yet cold in your vag is not fun. I now know that thanks to these stupid ass condoms. I thought about having my vagina write them a strongly worded letter.

Dear Trojan brand condoms,

I hope the creator of Fire and Ice condoms gets herpes and not the kind that can be healed with Valtrex. These are the absolute worst condoms ever invented. May your genitals burn, disintegrate and fall off.

Signed,
Disgruntled Pussy

P.S Bareskin condoms are the best thing ever!! That person can get a promotion unless its the one who made the fire and ice.


Any way readers what are some of the worst condoms you have ever used and why? 

That's what she said!

Thanks to our friend's from the sitcom "The Office" the phrase "that's what he said" was born. These 4 little words can turn the most innocent conversation into something that can be heard in the gutter. Let me take you on this brief trip to guttersville.

The other day I went to lunch with some guys I know. We had some burritos and one guy put extra hot sauce on his. Well we were returning from the restuarant and he made a comment about his lip piecing. It was as follows "damn I had too much spice. my hole burns." and you guessed swooped in with "That's what she said."

I tell you my timing was impecible. It was the funniest thing ever! There are other situations where it can be used.

"Damn, I got wet" reply- that's what she said
"This is a tight spot" reply - that's what she said
"I told you it doesn't fit" reply- that's what she said
"Can you stop" reply - that's what she said

And so on and so on.

Do you have any "That's what she said" moments?

Interrupted Orgasms

Today I want to talk to my readers about something that I feel is a very important topic; Interrupted Orgasms. I do not think that some people out there understand the severity of interrupting an orgasm. I know for my fellas blue balls are undesirable. I understand that it could be frustrating but I do not think they understand how frustrating it is for us women. No, I am not talking about when you fellas get interrupted from catching a nut. When I say nut I mean orgasm not the kinds that grow on trees or come from broken homes.

I am talking about the moment when us ladies feel like it’s about to happen. When the muscles in our legs start to tense up. Our breathing gets heavier and we feel like the muscles in our muscles are so tight that we might be about to experience labor. Yes my Poppee's. Right before we have the Big "O". This is a warning that my male readers should take heed to. Never interrupt a woman when she is about to climax. What a lot of men do not understand is that it takes women longer to climax most often times.

Just a tip: Just because a woman is making a lot of noise it does not mean she is having an Orgasm.

There are a few situations where you are liable to get your head chewed off and swallowed. The first situation is if a woman is masturbating and you barge into the room carrying a small child, trying to lay them in the bed. I mean it’s not rocket science. No matter how low you watch porn that shit is loud and the sound will travel. If you hear the porn coming from my room why the hell would you come in there to bother me? Oh, I know. You want to get cursed out, put out and knocked out.

Another situation where you are liable to see your maker is if you are in the middle of intercourse and the woman specifically says "I am about to cum." and you decide to change position. Um, who told you to move? Why are you moving and messing up my flow? This is liable to get a guy put out of the house in the middle of the night in the middle of a blizzard. Please listen with your body and ears guys. I know it’s hard, no pun intended, but if you are involved in the act be mindful of your partner's needs.

The last situation I want to talk about is when the guy loses his stiffy. I do not care if it feels like my vagina is trying to squeeze prune juice out of your penis. You do what you need to do to keep it hard and inside when I am about to or in the middle of a climax for that matter. I think I speak for all women around the world when I say there is nothing worse than an Interrupted Orgasm.

So readers are there any other instances that I may have missed? Do you ladies agree with my points? Men have you learned anything from this post today?

Loving yourself

Today I briefly want to touch on loving yourself. No my usual readers I am not talking about getting it on with BoB or Palmela. I am talking about loving who you are from the inside out. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes. I know a lot of people think that they love themselves but secretly they don't. They hide behind masks, making the world think that things are awesome.

A lot of time as people we put ourselves in positions that make us question if we truly love ourselves. During a conversation with my sister she made a great point. She said that I have great advice and she doesnt judge me for my mistakes because she knows things are easier said than done. With that being said I have done some real questionable stuff in my lifetime but I never have stopped loving myself.

Sometimes you have to learn how to love yourself more to know the difference between doing things that are self destructive and just making decisions based on things that seemed like a great idea. This is something that takes time. I am learning more about who I am everyday and who I want to be.

When I was younger I wanted to get a tatoo on my back that said "Love yourself above anyone else". People thought this was controversial because they said what about God and your kids? Well let me tell you this. If I don't know how to love me, how can I love God or my kids? Food for thought.

The first part of loving yourself is smiling more, from the inside. I know this is hard but sometimes a smile will warm you up for great things to come. The next thing you need to do is look in the mirror. You have to learn to love what you see. You don't like your weight? Excercise. etc Please do not make excuses. Then you will fall into the pit of self pity and your self worthwill go out the window.

The next thing you need to do is Learn to forgive. No I am not saying to tell someone they are forgiven and still hold that hate in your heart. To truly forgive is to let go of the hurt. How can you love if you are holding on to anger? That doesnt work. Been there done that.

Another great thing to do is to surround yourself with positive people. I was told you dress for the job you want not the job you have. This applies to life too. If your friends are always miserable then that will rub off on you or people will assume because birds of a feather flock together. Make sure in that group you have a great listener. Some times its good to be able to talk to someone when you are going through things.

The last secret I will give you is to give yourself time to heal. A lot of times I see people go from relationship to relationship without allowing themselves to get over the last. Relationships do not have to be romanctic ones. Maybe a friendship went bad etc. I have been there. It was getting me no where. I have been trying to find me for a long time because I had become someone that I didn't recognize anymore. So give yourself time. Not a week.  oh and please I am not telling you to wallow in self pity..Not at all. my cousin said it best when he said FTP (Fuck them Putos).

Leave you on this note... You life is what you make it so why not make it the best possible experience ever?!?!?!?!