What the CUCK?

Recently a god friend of mine started seeing this new guy. She was super excited about him in her description. She told me they are on the phone all hours of the night and he seems like a great guy. A few weeks later she calls me and says "GIRL, this guy is a freak. Have you ever heard of a Cuck? well that's what he is into. " I'm sitting on my car thinking "What the Cuck?" I had no idea what a Cuck was. So I did what anyone would do. I hit up Google.

I wasn't able to find anything called a Cuck but I did find a definition for the term cuckold. A Cuckold is a derogatory term for a man whose wife is or has been unfaithful. So I called her asking are you sure? He wants you to cheat and that's being a freak how? The whole thing made no sense as she was saying she would be wearing a key. and he would wear a chastity belt. In my mind I thought SnM but she told me no. That is not the same. My next question was how does he use the bathroom? She said that he is able to use the facilities with it on. At this point i was like HUH?

So I had to do what any red blooded curious person would. I went to a porn site and typed in the word Cuck. This was the best way for me to figure out What the Cuck a cuck was. Basically it is a man who likes to watch his woman have sex with another man, while treating him like total trash. Lets take things up a notch. The Cuck also wears sort of a male Chasity belt. I wasn't able to find a good picture for the blog. this is something you have to see for yourself anyway.

I look at her differently now. She said she doesnt think this is something she would be down for. In my mind im thinking let that dude have a little peter and I bet you by golly she would b riding some other dude while her man watches intentively. Lmao!!

So my readers, Would you be down for something like this? What are your thoughts?

Not Bieber fever... Cabin fever just a rant

So since Hurricane Sandy has pounded on the Eastern Sea board things have been really crazy. People are without lights. It got cold thanks to a cold front from Canada. Any place possible that could flood did flood and then some. We are in a gas shortage because the barges couldn't come into port. And! Schools have been closed as a result of it all.

I have to really count my blessings. We were really fortunate that we did not have damage to our home nor did we lose power. Since I live on the only block in my town that had power I started the adopt a child program. Not really but I did offer my home to those with no power who might have been in need of warming up and charging their electronics. Whether or not people took me up on the offer is on them.

Before anyone begins to think about criticizing just know that from my home I have done my part to assist in the efforts. I have donated money and even written to the news and local government of NYC for my family members who are without power, heat and running water. Maybe next time when they say to evacuate they might just listen. who knows. People are afraid to leave their property behind. They just need to realize that material things can be replaced and that's what renters insurance is for. I pay 20 dollars a month. If my house were to collapse I know I can get more things. I can not replace the lives of my children.
 
Either way with the Gas and power shortage we were forced to stay in doors. We took a walk one day but walking down the street with 3 insubordinate children was very frustrating to me. My kids aren't really but after you see one house without power you have seen them all. We have been in the house bored. I am ready to go back to work because these kids are killing me. I thought about trying to hide from them but they would only find me and harass me. 

I truly truly love my kids. But after being stuck in the house with them for a week straight I am tired of them. These kids have bikes, roller blades, skateboards, you name it. You think they would go outside? No. They are in the house. No one even asked to go out and play. I would have gladly said yes. Hell I might have even joined them.

Someone I know had the same exact complaint. Parents need school for kids because we need a break. Even if we have to go to work and deal with possible adult children. I am going stir crazy. Earlier I told them to just sit there and not say anything. The little one just talks and talks and talks. Remember those little aliens on sesame street? The ones that was walk around saying "yip yip yip yip yip yip" That's what he reminds me of sometimes. 

There's only so much cooking and cleaning one can do you know. I feel like for a week straight all i have done was cooked and cleaned and cooked and cleaned and cooked and cleaned.

I know there are many people out there that feel my pain.I love my kids once again and I am really thankful to be blessed with them but holy moly donut shop... I want to run away screaming :)

Did his titties just jiggle? Moobs not a good look.

Well ladies and Gentlemen, I am back at it by popular demand. Today I am going to talk to you about moobs and the reason why fat dudes need to keep their shirts on during sex. For those of you that don't know what a Moob is, a moob is a man boob. Yes, men can have boobs. If you look down and your "chest" hangs, jiggles or wiggles then you have a moob. Moobs are in no way sexy. Nicely shaped pec muscles are sexy. Not hangy, wiggly, floppy tits. I just want men to understand it is not cute.

So once upon a time I dated a Fat guy. I have nothing against bigger guys or overweight people. Shit happens in life and I understand that some people are big boned and like to eat food. Anyway.. He was really cool and his smile was everything. We kicked it a few times and he told me how he was much bigger and he was losing weight to get healthier. I saw pictures of when he was bigger. He wasn't bad looking as a bigger guy so I knew once he lost the weight he would be arrogant city.

So the first few times we had sex it was cool. No details because a girl never fucks and tells. But there was this one time that the sex was instantly over for the both of us. He took his shirt off and I got on top and out titties rubbed. He looked down, I looked down, we looked at each other and BAM session was over. There is nothing SEXY about a mans flappy titties rubbing up against your titties. Later that night when we spoke he said something about our titties rubbing and how naty he felt. I felt bad for him. That's when I realized he had low self esteem. I still liked him and we still had fun times. When he lost all the weight he became an asshole so I had to walk.

Moral of the story is.... Women don't like moobs. Just like men don't like cankles.

Shit do some push ups or something. I guarantee if you take your shirt off around me with moobs flopping around you are guaranteed to get this look O_o. So wear a T-shirt, wife beater, or sports bra. You are guaranteed to get more pussy with you floppy titties tucked away.

Anyone have any funny moob stories?

Respect in relationships

What's a relationship? What is respect? These days it seems like nothing but what people fail to understand is that you cannot have one without the other. A relationship is not limited to dating. Relationships can be anything. The relationship with your family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, peers, significant others, etc.

Respect can be seen as the condition of being esteemed or honored. So who should we respect? Everyone.  Give people the treatment that you want. Heard this before? Cause mother fukkas it's true! If you want someone walking around call you all types of bitches and assholes then do that to them. Is it right? Hell no! That's what people need to realize. Sometimes people are not brought up with morals and values. These people have no idea what respect is. 

Respect in an intimate relationship is crucial. If you do not respect your mate you are liable to cheat, mistreat them, make them feel like less of a person. If you get a kick out of making feel like shit then maybe your ass needs to be on some heavy medication. Maybe... Just maybe it means you don't respect yourself. How much do you honor yourself? 

Respect has to be given and demanded. I am not telling my readers to walk up to people and yell "RESPECT ME DAMMIT" cause that right there is some disrespectful shit.  I'm just saying, your actions say a lot. along with that you have to know the people you are demanding respect from. This will determine how you deal with them if you do at all. Fun fact: If they don't respect their parents, they wont respect you. 

How are some ways we could demand respect without being disrespectful? How can our relationships improve from respect? That's a question for you readers.... and GOo
 

Is love battle?

The past few days I have been counseling a friend of mine through some silly love issues that he has been having. I couldn't help but to wonder, is love really a battlefield? Before you close the page saying "yo this broad has lost her mind", just read me out. For ages the sexes have been battling each other. Games of cat and mouse, like a Tom and Jerry cartoon. Or better yet like the Hatfields and the McCoys. But why? Some people say men are from Mars and women are from Venus. I am here to tell you we aren't.

Men and women alike all seek the same thing in a mate. Great sex, to feel loved, to have someone to wipe their asses when they are older, and to get the "look". Please don't confuse this with good looks. Physical appearances fade. If you are solely about looks then you will never be happy. Anyway, if you have ever gotten the "look" then you know what I am talking about. It's the look you get when someone accepts you flaws and all. The "Oh my god, you are so perfect" look. Meanwhile you got on holey underwear, look like you fell off the back of the car while it was moving, and socks that are suspect. You know the ones you found near the foot of the bed but didn't smell bad and looked clean so you wore them anyway.

The reason we play games is because everyone is afraid of getting hurt. So they give a little then take some back. Oh, you said something that hurt my feelings? now I have to build up 10 foot walls. Living with 10 foot walls will get you lonely and bitter as hell. Trust me. I had to learn to break down those dumb ass walls. I had to shed my bags. Shit my ass had a shopping cart full of baggage. I had to start looking at the bright side. Do I still complain? Hell yea, I'm a woman. I think we complain 80 percent of the time. But things have gotten way better.

I'm here to challenge my readers to stop building walls. Your feelings got hurt in the past that's nice. Write a poem, paint a picture, take a long walk and get over it. Don't take it out on the new guy or girl because it wasn't  their fault.  Be yourself, if they don't like who you are then chances are they don't really like you. But don't hate them for how they feel. Respect peoples feelings so your feelings are respected. Sometimes the very thing we want and need is standing in front of us the whole time and we are too busy trying to be masons building walls. Aside from keeping people from hurting you, you also keep people from really loving you.

Stop the war, love, and let yourselves be loved.

That's all for now...

First day of school

Children across the North East are preparing to go to school tomorrow. While most children are nestled in their beds sad and upset that the summer has ended, there are parents that are plotting to celebrate their freedom. Mainly the stay at home Mom's and Dad's. Don't get me wrong I know that parents love their children. They love the kisses and hugs from the little monsters with dirty hands. But Parents need a break.

I know some are reading this blog with a glass of wine in one hand and their mouse scrolling down in the other mentally yelling preach on sister. They can only yell it in their heads not to risk waking the kids. The kids need their sleep. Back to school means alot of great things for parents who stay at home. It means nooners for the parents that work close to home. A nooner is a midday sexual encounter with your special someone or who ever is available to your liking. Back to school for stay at home parents means that some will have peace of mind from the hours of 8 am to 3 pm. They can now get things accomplished that they couldn't before like an orgasm or maybe catch up on their household chores or their favorite inappropriate TV show that they dare not watch around their children.

Unfortunately, while some parents will do the touch down dance as their kids slug their way onto the school bus there are parents who dread back to school time. These parents are the ones who always expect phone calls by the 2nd day of school because they know their kids are bad as hell and no teacher can tame them. Some are the parents who would love to help their kids with homework but when they look at the paper it appears to be hieroglyphics. Then you have the parents who work 8 jobs to keep the lights on, who want to be involve but don't know when they would have time to go to a PTA meeting.

Back to school time can be a great thing. Filled with exciting moments and some not so exciting moments. So what does back to school time mean to you? Share some stories.

Next time you want to complain Olympics Edition

I told myself I wouldn't blog about the Olympics because I know every blogger and news team in the world is talking about the 2012 London Olympics. I have been watching bits and pieces of it because I only want to watch Track. That's the Track Mom in me. The other night I was watching the track and field events that I had recorded on DVR and I came across the Men's 400 Meter dash.

I saw a really heart warming story of an Athlete from South Africa who was born with no legs. His name is Oscar Pistoris. They spoke about how he won the paralympics which is a great achievement. What was truly inspiring is that he didn't want to stop there. Not only did he make it to the Olympics running against able bodied athletes. This amazing man made it to the semi-finals with no legs.

I couldn't imagine the things he had to overcome mentally, physically, and emotionally to get to this place. He didn't make it to the finals. Hell he came in last place but he was as gracious as a loser as he would have been a winner. At the end of his heat, the first place athlete from his heat, an athlete from Granada exchanged bibs with him. This sign of honor and respect was really heart warming and amazing.

The news didn't interview the first place athlete in the heat. They interviewed Pistoris. The words he spoke made me cry like a little baby. He stated he was happy that he achieved his goal of making the semi finals. He spoke about how great the athletes were and how honored he was to even have the opportunity to compete with some of the greatest athletes in the world.

I don't know about a lot of my readers but when I see things like this it reminds me how lucky I am in life. It reminds me that someone else might have it harder than me. This guy could have cried on TV because he lost or had an attitude but he did neither. The strength, courage, and charisma og Oscar Pistoris should be a reminder to everyone.

The message behind this blog is stop fucking complaining about bullshit and suck it up.

Once a Marine Always a Marine

 Have you ever heard the phrase "Once a Marine always a Marine? Well today I am going to share an article of an awesome display of selflessness and devotion to duty by a Marine Corps Veteran whom I happen to know. For all you selfish ass people selflessness is when you put the needs of others before your own without even thinking. 

 So yesterday someone tagged me on a photo on Facebook and my phone was dinging all day. I hadn't been in front of the computer to really look at what I was tagged in. I saw it was an article and the person in the picture was a Marine Corps Veteran Gunnery Sergeant who helped me get into the Marine Corps. Yup for those who do not know the Popcorn Popper is a Marine Veteran. But I digress.

Today when I finally got a chance to sit in front of the computer I read the article.  I was in complete awe. So I have to share this article with my readers. This is what being a Marine is about. Selflessness and devotion to duty. This Gunny showed the true meaning of Honor, Courage, and Commitment. Who said you have to wear a Marine Corps Uniform to be considered a Marine? I'm guessing someone who didn't make the cut.

Seriously Starbucks?!?

So the the other morning I decided to stop into Starbucks to get a bagel and a coffee. I really like the taste of their medium roast coffee "Pike Place". So I go in and only one of the employee's acknowledges me.

Before I place my order I kindly say good morning and I ask if they could put the cream cheese on the bagel for me since I was going to get back in my car and drive to work. The young gentleman who takes my order says it won't be a problem and he let's the girl who is preparing the bagel know.

Immediately out of no where comes the other employee, who never acknowledged my presence prior, and says "Just so you know, we don't put the cream cheese on the bagels. You are supposed to do it yourself." I kindly replied "I know you guys don't usually do it but I figured since I have to drive that it would be ok to ask." Do you know that this bitch had the audacity to "for future reference" me?

Honestly it took everything I had in me not to jump over the counter and shove coffee beans down her throat.  I mouth to the guy who was more than happy to help me "what a bitch". He gave me the biggest smile. That was enough for me to just take my coffee and leave.

The speech I wanted to give her would have been " you would think that at the rate that I am paying for a regular cup of coffee and bagel that you would be kissing my ass for my business. Dunkin Donuts cream cheeses the bagels and adds sugar and milk to your regular coffee at a lower price. Hell the trucks on the side of the road give better customer service than you have just presented to me. I just paid your hourly salary in one order bitch be gracious."

To be honest poppee's the reason I didn't go off on her was because it was monday morning and I didn't feel like starting off my week by getting arrested. I will tell you this though I won't be going there anymore. That Starbucks needs to get their life together!

Murdakkh - The Warm Up (Album Review)

Most of my reader's know me for my racy or outrageous posts. Today I am going to take a different approach and review a HipHop Album. This is not normally something that I do but since the artist is a friend I have no problem elevating his craft. At first, I was really apprehensive about listening. I thought, what if I don't like it? What will I tell him? I am extremely happy I decided to spend my money on this Album. It was money well spent and this is an honor for me.

*Disclaimer* Anything written will be the absolute truth. I refuse to promote anything I do not believe in. I do not want anyone to think because he is my friend that I will be biased. So here goes nothing:

Murdakkh is an up and coming artist from New Jersey who is originally from the Bronx. Murdakkh is a Marine Corps Veteran who spits rhymes like he shots a weapon. He hits the target every time. I have known him since middle school. In all honesty, sitting next to him for almost 3 years I would have never thought I would be writing a review on one of his albums.

"The Warm Up" - The title does not lie. I feel like this album will be the first of many successful albums from Murdakkh. By the title alone he is letting us know that he is just getting started. This 9 track album provides hope that HipHop lives. The album is within the realm of Lupe Fiasco and Common. Slept on, Slept on, Slept on! Not only are Murdakkh's flows hitting but all of the featuring artists shine through like stars. In my opinion there are no features! All of the artists are equal partners of greatness. The artists include P.O, Luey P. Newton, Le Double NY, JG The Vision, Red Cup Society, Butler, Twin, and Sosa. "The Warm Up" will definitely stream in my car.

 Track #3 "Flo Sick" ft Le Double NY & JGTheVision is by far one of my favorite tracks on the album. To be honestly speaking, the more I listen to the album the more all of the tracks become my favorite tracks. All of the artists on this track have a distinctive style of rhyming, accompanied by the beat, this track provides a whole lot of variety and talent.

http://murdakkh.bandcamp.com/track/flo-sick-ft-le-double-ny-jgthevision-produced-by-pqent


Some of my other Favorite tracks include but are not limited to:

Track #2 "You Already know"

Track #4 "Optimus High" ft P.O., Red Cup Society and Butler


Track #5  "Young America" ft. Luey P. Newton

Track #9 "Top of My Game" ft Le Double NY and Sosa



I am really feeling this album, so here is what I will do. I will provide you a Link so you can purchase and listen for yourself.


http://murdakkh.bandcamp.com/



You can find more on Murdakkh at the following links below:


www.twitter.com/Murdakkh
www.reverbnation.com/murdakkh
www.Facebook.com/Murdakkh
www.Youtube.com/Murdakkh

The party animal

Ever go to a party and there is that one person who is dancing up a storm? The person I am talking about is not the show stopper. You know the person who can really dance well... No! The person I am talking about is the one that is so off beat you are wondering, Are we in the same party listening to the same music? This is the person that dances to the beat of their own drum.

Now I am all for a great time. I am the person who is usually empathetic to the the party animal. I'll dance with them to boost their confidence and do silly dances with them so they do not feel awkward. It is great when it is a stranger. But what about when it is your own child?

Today we went to my youngest sons cousin's graduation party. It was very nice. Great music, Great Company, good food etc. Well my oldest son didn't want to eat because he had already eaten a ton before we had gotten there but instead he decided he wanted to dance. I am the type of parent that likes to let my kids have fun and find themselves. Well! My son is the party animal.

My daughter sat next to me totally embarrassed saying oh my goodness he is so embarrassing. I laughed and let him have a good time. Eventually I felt a little embarrassed. There was this little boy who had to be 9 and this kid was dancing like he was one of the lead dancers of a Chris Brown Video. So I tried to go to my sons rescue. Do you know that this kid had the nerve to run from me on the dance floor? I was trying to save him from his off beat pop lock and twisty two step wobbly leg.

That's when it hit me. He doesn't ever want to learn how to dance like everyone else. He loves being a party animal who dances to the beat of his own drum. I just hope he gets it together by High school. If not some girl will be really embarrassed at prom. :)

Do you know folks who are party animals? What is your reaction to them?

Not in my bath.

 I am letting you know that I am in no way shape or form promoting nor have I ever promoted the use of illegal drugs. This blog is to inform you of the dangers of this new designer drug.
 
So I have been seeing and reading about crazy things going on in the world in the news. Drug users and creators have taken "getting high" to a scary level. The newest Craze, and I do not say that lightly, is something called Bath Salts. People high on Bath Salts are said to be dangerous. Ask those people who have gotten eaten, killed and gotten their faces bitten off.


Designer drugs are drugs that are made in labs kind of like Crystal Meth. These drugs are extremely dangerous because they are "experiments". Bath Salts are the new thing on the street. So far all of the reports in the news regarding cannibalism have been linked to bath salts. At first I thought oh no Bath and Body works will be out of business because people are getting high on bath salts. Something told me to perform some research. The bath Salts people are using to get high and literally eat each other are not found in Bath and Body Works. They are sold in smoke shops with intriguing names like Ivory Wave, Bolivian Bath.

Like I said before I do not promote the use of drugs. I don't know what I would do if I saw someone coming at me foaming at the face trying to eat me. I mean this is some real Zombie, night of the living dead type shit. Maybe I need to legally purchase some shot guns and silver bullets. Wait I think Silver Bullets are for werewolves. You see how outrageous this shit is? People are actually walking around getting high and Eating other people. I know the economy is bad but damn son. Don't eat Juinor an'em. I apologize I had to go on a ghetto rant.


Could you imagine tho? And you thought crackheads were bad for stealing all your stuff and doing the dope man lean in the middle of the street. These bathheads will literally eat you! Ok I am done.

JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS KIDS. You might get high on the wrong shit with your friends and end up their dinner.



For those who like referencing articles. Please see the links below.

http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/features/bath-salts-drug-dangers?page=2

http://www.cnn.com/2012/05/31/justice/maryland-alleged-cannibal/index.html?iref=allsearch
http://www.cnn.com/search/?query=bath%20salt&sortBy=date

Dassss it!!

So on monday during all of our festivities it fueled many things to blog about. Not only did we gather for food, drink and family but we also indulged in fuckery. now my for my gutter thinkers I am not talking about sex. I am speaking of laughter and bullshit. As the evening wound down we watched the Marissa Rodriguez videos on youtube. For all you who have never seen it you should search DASIT. Pretty Funny shit.

As we watched the videos and laughed I started to wonder, what are some of the coined phrases us hispanics say? so came up with a List.

1.Dasit! it can used to start a sentence, empasize what you are trying to say or ed a sentence.
In a sentence: I went to the stoah and bought some pecsi and dasit!

2. wepa! This is versitile like the word fuck! it can be used alone or in a sentence. we say this when we are excited or are being sarcastic. This word has no real meaning that can be translated but its known throughout hispanic cultures.
In a sentence: WEPA!

3. pa eso bebe! this translates to "for that reason you drink"
This is most often used in a sarcasitc tone.

In a sentence: mira, he spilled the beer all over the floor. DASIT for him  chacho pa eso bebe!

These are just a few examples. I would love for my readers to share some of their commonly used funny terms.

HIT.... Hoes In Training

Hello my Poppee's, it has been a long time coming. I am back to blogging and i am going to get back into the swing of things. This past Memorial day weekend I spent it with family, which is where I get a lot of my material from. They are all but boring, trust me.

So we were sitting there in my cousins living room all full of food and some were liquored up. Suddenly my son started jumping all over the place and my cousin almost had a heart attack. After we calmed down my over sugared 3 year old (thanks to the little girls who were sneaking him ice pops), my cousin started telling a story about some little girl that proceeded to ouch him on the plane.

So at first it seemed like a story of a kid that was just a pain in the ass but then the more I listened my brain started to take a journey down the abyss. He said the girl kept touching his arm and leg and he kept telling the child's mother that she was touching him and it was making him uncomfortable. He said he was getting upset because the fat lady with no morals ignored his plea for help and went to sleep.

I am glad the my cousin kept making a fuss to the lady so she could move her rotten ass child but a thought popped into my head. Maybe just maybe this little girl was a HIT, a Hoe In Training. Let's look at the facts. Her mother let her sit next to a strange man and allowed her to put her hands on this guy without telling her to keep her hands to herself then the lady decides to fall asleep even though the guy keeps telling her that he feels uncomfortable. This is a prime example of a HIT.

There are many examples of HIT's. I see these parents letting these kids roam around in these little ass outfits even though they know for damn sure that they are inappropriate for the child to wear. There are things that I see little girls wearing that remind me of outfits found in the boom boom room. I mean why? What ever happened to raising respectable young ladies? Oh I guess that went out the window when the rent became due. Today's HIT is tomorrows Kim Kardashian's and Amber Rose or their wanna Be's.

Good women are hard to find because most now a days are HIT's. They don't cook, they don't clean, they don't go grocery shopping, they don't read real books. These are the girls go through life looking for men to take care of them. These are the women that want to drive the 200k cars without paying the bill. The same women that smile in your face on Sunday saying praise God thank ya JeeZus. These are the same females that grow up to use a good man for all he has and then leaves.

And no I am not mad at the hussle of these HIT's. I dont want anyone to think I am hating or mad at their come up. I just want to know, Is it OK to raise a HIT? Or hell are you a HIT and just realized it? Were you raised to be a HIT? Please share some stories if you got some... This shit is vigorous.

Sick people get away

Let me start by saying I have missed my readers and blogging. I have been so busy over the past few months I didn't have time to blink. Now I have free time so I will try to blog as often as I can.

Today I want to talk about the sickly people who want to touch all of your shit. I have no problem caring for one of my sick kids, a family member or a significant other but I don't want random sick people near me or touching my stuff. Anyone who knows me knows that I am borderline hypochondriac. If something seems off or not right I begin to Google stuff and web MD it. My doctor looks at me funny when i go to the doctors office because i am sure she is thinking "Bitch stop wasting my time, you aint sick."

Anyway this guy at work today kept telling everyone he was sick. You could hear it in his voice. I threw a green tea package at him and told him to get some lemon from the cafeteria. Did he do it? No. Then as the day progresses I feel like my throat is scratchy. So I asked him if he had sat in my chair while I was off work. He said yes. I wanted to smack this sumumabitch. He could have warned me.

So I did what anyone else would do. I stole a packet of Emergen C from one of my colleagues. I ate that shit like it was fun dip. Anyone who has ever taken emergen C knows that you should mix it with water. But that shit tastes nasty like that. So I swallowed it like candy. Word to the wise. That was not the best ideas I had ever had. It made me feel woozy as hell. I felt like I was high or something.

For the rest of the day I told everyone that sicky touchy was contaminated and to stay away. I know it was mean of me. But he shouldn't have touched my shit with his infected fingers. I am thinking it is time for me to bring my Lysol to work and spray every time I hear a cough, sneeze or fart.

Bandwagon Bisexuals

First let me start by saying the popcorn popper is an equal opportunity writer. I do not discriminate on people for their sexual preferences, age, creed, color, gender etc. But I do have a problem with Bandwagon Bisexuals. Bandwagon Bisexuals are people who engage in bisexual activity to be like everyone else or to please someone else.

Let's not confuse a bandwagon bisexual with someone who is bi-curious. It is OK to be curious and see if it is something you like. After you have done it twice you are no longer curious. If you liked it then you are bisexual. If you didn't then stop having sex with people of the same sex dumbass.

Bandwagon Bisexuals make things difficult for people who are actually bisexual or gay. They go to the gay bars, they present themselves as liking the same sex but they actually don't. They engage in threesomes with their boyfriends for their boyfriend’s approval. They kiss women at the club when they are drunk. Stop leading people on!  If you like the snatch or the Cack... Then like it. Don't pretend to be something you are not.

It is hard enough being bi-sexual or gay without people posing to be when they really aren't. There are real bisexuals and Gay folks in the world who live in torment because they are afraid of losing everything for some wannabe to come along and play games. Nothing makes me more upset than a poser!

My message to the bandwagon bisexuals and gays is.... If you really don't like people of the same sex then stop having sex with them, stop dating them, stop leading them on. It would make things so much easier for them to date and deal with people who are really interested in them than to be dealing with some fake ass poser. If some guy or girl hurt you and you are tired of dating then stop dating the same kind of people. Going to another gender is not going to fix your problem. All you will do is date someone of the same sex who acts exactly the same as the person of the opposite sex did. Look within yourself and find who you are and why you keep dating Jerks and Bitches. Stop the Games!
 

Do you know any bandwagon gays and bisexuals? What is your message to them?

FTP!!!

There comes a time or two in our lives when we need to adapt the phrase FTP. This term came from my dear and ever loving cousin whom I love very much. The first time I saw FTP I thought it was flower shop talk. Yo cuz FTP! I was thinking he wanted me to order flowers from FTD and misspelled it. Little did I know it would be a life changing phrase.

FTP stands for Fuck Those Putos! FTP can be used in many situations. I will give you a few examples of where it can be applied to your life.

Your boyfriend dumps you or cheats? FTP!!!!!FTP!!!
Your homegirls stood you up on the weekend? FTP FTP!!!
You get passed up for a promotion? FTP FTP!!!
Someone is getting on your nerves? FTP!!!!
Someone steals your cab? FTP!!
Some hussie is hating on you? FTP!!!
Baby momma/ daddy drama? FTP!!!!


See there are many other ways FTP can be applied. Its more than a phrase it is a way of life. Why care what people think about you? FTP!!!!

Domestic violence.... take a stand

Today I want to take the time out to speak about the seriousness of domestic violence. I am not going to give you any statistics. I am going to hit you with cold hard realities. Domestic violence is something that affects everyone at one time or another. You do not need to be a victim to be affected. Or the person committing the violent act. Sometimes as people we know someone going through a situation.

Honestly domestic violence is a difficult situation to be in or know about. It doesn't matter whether you are the victim or loved one of a victim. How do you console someone with a black eye? How do you face your family with a black eye? How do you deal with someone who constantly goes back because "I love Him or Her"? Don't look at me for the answers because I do not have them.

Everyone always says that a person that stays in a bad situation has low self esteem. What is that is not the case? What if the person is scared for their lives?  People who stay in situations of domestic violence most often believe the person when they say they have changed or they will change. It's not because the abusee has low self worth. Sometimes you want to feel like the time you spent in the relationship wasn't a total waste.You want to feel like the person you love so much is able and capable to change to be with you. Unfortunately change hardly ever comes.

Abusive relationships are not limited to physical abuse. I want you to be able to recognize the mental and verbal abuse as well.  It is important for men and women to know when its time to say Fuck this and leave an abusive relationship. You have to build the strength within yourself and dig deep into your soul. Hopefully the realization doesn't come when it is too late.

Friends and relatives of victims.... Hear this please... Beating the abusers ass will not stop them from beating the abusee. The person being abused might go back after you have caught a case and you will have no one to blame but yourself. I know it is hard to pick up the broken pieces of your friends and relatives but try to counsel them. Through the but he/she loves me speech try not to hit your friend or relative because then you would be doing the same thing as the other person. Try to stick it out by your friends/ relatives side as long as you can and hopefully by your counseling they will see the light.

Domestic Violence is not a funny situation. I know because I have been there but I had to become strong and I had to look within myself for the strength to get up and leave. Till this day I am confident that I made the right decision and I do not regret it at all.

The worst condom ever made...

My pop-pees today I want to speak about the worst condom ever invented. I know some of you are thinking I am going to talk about the tiny Lifestyle condoms... but I am not because for little penis men those are the best things since sliced bread. The condoms that are on the top of my worst condom of all time list is..... Trojan Fire and Ice condoms.

I always promote safe sex because for some of you lord help you if you reproduce and for others well GYN's and MD's are tired of looking at blistering groins. I don't promote things I do not believe in.  Safe sex is important. With the right condom everything is great. Unfortunately Trojan fire and Ice is not one of them.

I thought the concept was cool. It warms and cools. This was not well thought out!! Holy hell I thought someone put icy hot on my vagina. It was not a good look! Now I know what gonorrhea victims experience (without the smell and oozing). I feel bad for them. I promise I wont clap my hands every time I see you anymore.. (you know cause they got the clap) Nah I am lying. Some of you guys need a standing ovation.

Anyway back to my poor vagina. The other day we joked on facebook about Jalapeno pussy. Having something hot yet cold in your vag is not fun. I now know that thanks to these stupid ass condoms. I thought about having my vagina write them a strongly worded letter.

Dear Trojan brand condoms,

I hope the creator of Fire and Ice condoms gets herpes and not the kind that can be healed with Valtrex. These are the absolute worst condoms ever invented. May your genitals burn, disintegrate and fall off.

Signed,
Disgruntled Pussy

P.S Bareskin condoms are the best thing ever!! That person can get a promotion unless its the one who made the fire and ice.


Any way readers what are some of the worst condoms you have ever used and why? 

That's what she said!

Thanks to our friend's from the sitcom "The Office" the phrase "that's what he said" was born. These 4 little words can turn the most innocent conversation into something that can be heard in the gutter. Let me take you on this brief trip to guttersville.

The other day I went to lunch with some guys I know. We had some burritos and one guy put extra hot sauce on his. Well we were returning from the restuarant and he made a comment about his lip piecing. It was as follows "damn I had too much spice. my hole burns." and you guessed swooped in with "That's what she said."

I tell you my timing was impecible. It was the funniest thing ever! There are other situations where it can be used.

"Damn, I got wet" reply- that's what she said
"This is a tight spot" reply - that's what she said
"I told you it doesn't fit" reply- that's what she said
"Can you stop" reply - that's what she said

And so on and so on.

Do you have any "That's what she said" moments?

Interrupted Orgasms

Today I want to talk to my readers about something that I feel is a very important topic; Interrupted Orgasms. I do not think that some people out there understand the severity of interrupting an orgasm. I know for my fellas blue balls are undesirable. I understand that it could be frustrating but I do not think they understand how frustrating it is for us women. No, I am not talking about when you fellas get interrupted from catching a nut. When I say nut I mean orgasm not the kinds that grow on trees or come from broken homes.

I am talking about the moment when us ladies feel like it’s about to happen. When the muscles in our legs start to tense up. Our breathing gets heavier and we feel like the muscles in our muscles are so tight that we might be about to experience labor. Yes my Poppee's. Right before we have the Big "O". This is a warning that my male readers should take heed to. Never interrupt a woman when she is about to climax. What a lot of men do not understand is that it takes women longer to climax most often times.

Just a tip: Just because a woman is making a lot of noise it does not mean she is having an Orgasm.

There are a few situations where you are liable to get your head chewed off and swallowed. The first situation is if a woman is masturbating and you barge into the room carrying a small child, trying to lay them in the bed. I mean it’s not rocket science. No matter how low you watch porn that shit is loud and the sound will travel. If you hear the porn coming from my room why the hell would you come in there to bother me? Oh, I know. You want to get cursed out, put out and knocked out.

Another situation where you are liable to see your maker is if you are in the middle of intercourse and the woman specifically says "I am about to cum." and you decide to change position. Um, who told you to move? Why are you moving and messing up my flow? This is liable to get a guy put out of the house in the middle of the night in the middle of a blizzard. Please listen with your body and ears guys. I know it’s hard, no pun intended, but if you are involved in the act be mindful of your partner's needs.

The last situation I want to talk about is when the guy loses his stiffy. I do not care if it feels like my vagina is trying to squeeze prune juice out of your penis. You do what you need to do to keep it hard and inside when I am about to or in the middle of a climax for that matter. I think I speak for all women around the world when I say there is nothing worse than an Interrupted Orgasm.

So readers are there any other instances that I may have missed? Do you ladies agree with my points? Men have you learned anything from this post today?

Loving yourself

Today I briefly want to touch on loving yourself. No my usual readers I am not talking about getting it on with BoB or Palmela. I am talking about loving who you are from the inside out. From the top of your head to the tips of your toes. I know a lot of people think that they love themselves but secretly they don't. They hide behind masks, making the world think that things are awesome.

A lot of time as people we put ourselves in positions that make us question if we truly love ourselves. During a conversation with my sister she made a great point. She said that I have great advice and she doesnt judge me for my mistakes because she knows things are easier said than done. With that being said I have done some real questionable stuff in my lifetime but I never have stopped loving myself.

Sometimes you have to learn how to love yourself more to know the difference between doing things that are self destructive and just making decisions based on things that seemed like a great idea. This is something that takes time. I am learning more about who I am everyday and who I want to be.

When I was younger I wanted to get a tatoo on my back that said "Love yourself above anyone else". People thought this was controversial because they said what about God and your kids? Well let me tell you this. If I don't know how to love me, how can I love God or my kids? Food for thought.

The first part of loving yourself is smiling more, from the inside. I know this is hard but sometimes a smile will warm you up for great things to come. The next thing you need to do is look in the mirror. You have to learn to love what you see. You don't like your weight? Excercise. etc Please do not make excuses. Then you will fall into the pit of self pity and your self worthwill go out the window.

The next thing you need to do is Learn to forgive. No I am not saying to tell someone they are forgiven and still hold that hate in your heart. To truly forgive is to let go of the hurt. How can you love if you are holding on to anger? That doesnt work. Been there done that.

Another great thing to do is to surround yourself with positive people. I was told you dress for the job you want not the job you have. This applies to life too. If your friends are always miserable then that will rub off on you or people will assume because birds of a feather flock together. Make sure in that group you have a great listener. Some times its good to be able to talk to someone when you are going through things.

The last secret I will give you is to give yourself time to heal. A lot of times I see people go from relationship to relationship without allowing themselves to get over the last. Relationships do not have to be romanctic ones. Maybe a friendship went bad etc. I have been there. It was getting me no where. I have been trying to find me for a long time because I had become someone that I didn't recognize anymore. So give yourself time. Not a week.  oh and please I am not telling you to wallow in self pity..Not at all. my cousin said it best when he said FTP (Fuck them Putos).

Leave you on this note... You life is what you make it so why not make it the best possible experience ever?!?!?!?!

Go Joe!!!

Today I want to talk to you guys about going commando. I am not talking about  GI Joe The real American Hero. Or the movie starring Arnold schwarzenugggeger. The Commando I am talking about is when you go without drawls. The thing I have learned about going commando is that there is a time and a place for it. There are many things that a go wrong. Here are some reasons going commando can be a bad idea.

If you are a guy wearing tight jeans. Look your fashion faux pas are not my buisness but please for the love of pete, be careful when you zip. There is nothing cute about a scarred penile shaft. The people in the emergency room will laugh @ your dumb ass and probably everyone elese who hears the story.

 Ladies you are not in the clear. please do not go commando in a short skirt you have a wolf pussy. no one wants to catch a glimse of buck wheat peaking out your vaginal area. I know everyone likes different shit. I get it but when you sweat haor makes you stink. Smelly pussy is never good pussy.

Another time where it is a bad idea to go commando ladies is if it is close to that time of the month. Look, the drawls are like a first defense to soiling your clothes. If your panties are wet it kind of gives you an indication to go check. if yur pants are warm and wet, well, bitch its too late.

I know my readers know some more instances... so when do o think its a bad idea to go COMMANDO?

*disclaimer* this post was written using my blackberry @ hooters. Don't judge my spelling or grammar!

That Ass from the Past

Today I want to talk about "That Ass from the Past", not to be confused from the blast from the past. Basically the ass from the past is that ex that won’t stop stalking you for sex. Now If you have actually had a sex life and are fairly decent in the bedroom there are things that your exes will remember about you. Unfortunately sometimes these people come back from the past trying to acquire that ass.

This is when absolute will power is required. I always try to remind myself these people are part of the past because things didn’t work out. There are only a few exemptions to the rule where it is ok to let that ass from the past back into your bedroom. These exceptions are as follows:

“That Ass from the Past” became such because of the distance between you guys. Maybe they moved away or maybe you moved away. Getting reacquainted is not bad if the situation allows. Plus who doesn't like a nice trip from time to time.

“That Ass from the Past” was as a result of your schedules. Sometimes as adults our schedules do not permit us to give the time we should to the people in our lives therefore causing us to grow apart.

These are a list of situations where you should not give in to the ass from the past:

If you guys were a couple and things didn’t work out because of the partner’s personality. 8 times out of 10 they are still the same person you once knew. Just because they got a new haircut, tan or even a new body does not mean that they will have become a better person on the inside. Change is a slow process.

They are now married. Please do not adulterate. I don't care how much they are swearing they are separated and are getting divorced. IF they live in the same house with their spouse most likely the person is lying to you.

Do not give in to "That Ass from the Past" as pity sex. If you dumped that person 8 years ago and things were on bad terms because of you. Do not give up the nookie because you feel bad for what you did to them. That would be the perfect time for them to get back at you for possibly shattering their lives.

Basically what it all boils down to is using your common sense in these situations. If your gut feeling is telling you not to do it, then listen. A lot of times as people we do not listen to our own conscience and we end up making the same stupid mistakes. A good friend of mine used to tell me "A hard head makes for a soft ass" I learned this the hard way.

So what are some other reasons why "That Ass from the Past" either should or shouldn't be given another chance at rocking your world?

The pre flight gone wrong

Many people who go out to party usually partake in a pre-gaming ritual known as the preflight. The preflight is when people begin drinking while they are home so that when they reach their destination they do not have to drink as much or spend as much cash. Today I would like to speak to you about the preflight gone wrong.

There are many things that can go wrong with the preflight. The main thing I would like to discuss is getting too drunk and not being able to make it to your destination. The type of drunk I am speaking of is not your run of the mill drunk. I am talking about the praying to the toilet gods kind of drunk. This is the type of drunk that happens at the end of the night where people end up taking wonderful pictures of their friends passed out in shitty bathrooms on the floor. Except this doesn’t occur at the end of the night, it occurs at like 7 pm.

This weekend an old friend of mine was celebrating her 30th birthday. Everything was all set up. There were 2 places everyone was to hit up. One was a spot in the east village where you can get 5 shots for 10 dollars and a place in the west village where we were to attend a private karaoke party. Well needless to say my friend’s girlfriend and other wonderful friends decided to start her off early. By 7pm when I called to obtain the addresses it just so happened that she was praying to the toilet gods. About 7:30 I get a phone call from one of the family members, which i still need to apologize to stating "She doesn’t look like she is going to make it out but we will call you if anything changes."

I was a little upset because I had not made alternate plans and I had already crossed in to New York and paid 12 dollars for toll. I thought to myself what if I go home and I get a phone call saying "Hey we are going now". I told them to count me out for the night and decided to find other plans. I ended up having Starbucks with my older sister and playing counselor. Meanwhile in Spanish Harlem, my friend’s girlfriend and friends decided that Karaoke was going to be a must considering the space had already been reserved.

Well, they went to Karaoke without the birthday girl and I ended up joining them. Can you imagine, spending your 30th birthday lying next to the toilet bowl while everyone went out and enjoyed your party? Well I am going to say this was a lesson learned for my friend. With about an hour left of the private room who comes in the door? The Birthday Girl! We were all happy and releived she was able to make her party.

This goes to show you boys and girls while a pre-flight can get the party started, it can also make you miss your party if youare not careful.

Have any of you ever gone too far with the pre- flight?

Is it racism or just random ignorance?

So today I read an article about a well-known Pizza company Papa John's was apologizing to a customer for a "racial slur" on a customer’s receipt. When I began reading the article I thought to myself damn.. What could they have put on a receipt that would warrant a company to apologize? I thought the absolute worst. I thought the receipt said the "N" word or something derogatory.

Upon looking at the photo of the receipt where it said customers name the receipt read "The Lady with the Chinky eyes". This caused me to snicker then I read the article further and found that the employee had been fired. I am not sure if this punishment was too harsh. Maybe because I am having trouble trying to figure out if this was truly a racial slur.

Reader's am I looking at this the wrong way? I mean I can see that this was ignorant on the employee’s behalf. He/she could have asked the customer their name. To be fired for using descriptive terminology? Is not like it said "the Chink" Or "The cracker". I have a lot of family members who have chinky eyes. I think that the employee should have been counseled and maybe mandated to attend HR ethics training at most, unless this person was a repeat offender then it might be understandable.

To think about it if I worked at a pizza place getting paid minimum wage I would probably try to have fun with it too. Give me the power to type in a customer’s name and you would probably end up with customers named "bald headed guy", "Lady with a wagon full of kids", "Girl with a bad attitude", "black girl with blue hair". I'm just saying..

What do you guys think... Is this a racial issue? Or is it an issue of not knowing any better? Was the punishment too harsh?

                                                                  

What's that smell? YUCK

I consider myself to have somewhat of a stomach of steel but there are just some things that I can smell and it automatically sets off my gag reflex. I don't know if it’s something that is in my head or if it’s just the smell consuming my insides and saying YUCK! I know that there are some of you out there that know just what I am speaking about.

I have smelled things that were absolutely horrible in my day but there is something about stinky food that makes me want to toss my cookies on site. My ex came over the other day and heated up some food. I immediately got an attitude and asked him to leave. That food smelled like old rotting corpses mixed with mystery meat. It was just plain old rancid. We had to spray some smell goods and open windows to get rid of the funk.

Today my sons insisted on eating Vienna sausages. Not only were they eating them but they heated them up in the microwave. My son had the audacity to come in the living room with them. I began to gag and almost lost my dinner. I had to spray perfume not to smell the stench of these wretched little sausages. My boys were almost evicted from my house this evening. I really felt bad that I exhaled them to the kitchen but I could not take the smell.

The other thing that makes my stomach turn is the smell of bologna. I actually ate bologna once in basic training. I immediately got sick. Since that day I gag upon the smell reaching my nose. I don't know why. It is just something that happens. Bad smelling food is almost as bad as someone smelling like old rotting hot dog water.

What are some of the foods that make your body go YUCK?!?!?

Roid Rage!!!

Today I want to talk about Roid Rage and for all you juice heads out there, I am not talking about you. I am talking about the other kinds of roids. The ones that make your ass burn when your stomach churns. Yes ladies and Gents!! I am talking about Hemorrhoids. I know this could be an uncomfortable topic for some especially them old mofo's who like spicy food. Or even for those who suffer from the endless ass wipe on a constant basis. You know that's got to hurt.

Can eat spicy food? Are those nachos coming back to haunt you 2 hours later? Do tucks not help? I recommend Culo Seltzer. Yes folks, culo seltzer. It can come in a spray bottle and it will contain a numbing agent. Kind of like numb it anal lube. Yes I know some of you perverts know what numb it is. This would be like a combination of eucalyptus and aloe. So it soothes and smooth’s while taking away the pain.

I think it would be a good idea. I have never experienced roid rage but I know if I did I would my ass feeling and smelling minty fresh. It would be like alka seltzer for your ass. They could even make a commercial about it. "Oh Culo Seltzer!! It would hurt and it would burn but now it’s my turn. Got take back my butt cause that tissue cut. Oh Culo Seltzer. And now in family size!"

Can you imagine being sent to the store as a kid by your mom? Mira, Go get me a bottle of that culo seltzer. That would be almost as embarrassing as a man buying pads for his woman. The lady in the supermarket would be all loud about it over the loudspeaker. "Price check on Culo Seltzer. Marvin, it’s in Aisle 3 next to the herpes be gone." That would be the epitome of any ones existence.

Next time I ask for topics please participate because I will talk about having the runs next...