I have come to the conclusion in my quest to find the perfect someone for me that there is no one person who is perfect.
A relationship is like buying a car. Every vehicle out there in the automotive industry has its flaws. Some people buy a car for the audio system knowing that the windows don't always work but they are OK with that. They know that there is no way to change design flaws but they love their car unconditionally anyway.
Relationships are the same way. When deciding to deal with someone in a relationship you are making the decision to accept the person flaws and all. You cannot change a person. They have to be the ones to make a choice to change and know it will not come over night. There are the few who say they will change but really don't want to. These people are just saying that to get off your back. Showing is proving. Talking about doing something until you are blue in the face is only wasting good clean air.
The above mentioned are personality flaws. I just want to briefly hit on physical flaws. If a person is ugly in your eyes (we all know beauty is in the eyes of the beholder). No matter how much you dress them up. No matter how much they lose weight or gain nice big muscles. You will always think they are ugly. If you dress up a dog it is still a dog. It is true a person could be ugly but have a heart of gold but how far can you take that? Do you take ol pug face to the alter? Knowing you have to wake up to them for the rest of your life?
I guess I am saying do not lower your standards of what you will like just so you are not lonely. Compromising certain things does not necessarily mean lowering your standards. So when getting to know someone, take a step back and ask yourself this; Are the flaws that the person possesses those flaws that I know I can deal with in the long run? If not then reconsider wasting every ones time. You can save yourself and another person possibly a lot of heart ache.
Hopefully I made sense to some... What do you guys think?
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Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Dealing with Dummies
Dumb people are all around us. They span over every race, color and creed. There is no age limit or nor does it depend on religion. The terrible thing about dealing with dummies is that they are everywhere. They are in your house, at your job, in your church, at the stores, in schools etc. These people can even be in YOUR HOUSE. Hell, it could very well be you.
I must say today must have been a day where dumb people decided to unite and have a revolution because boy were they out today! Or maybe we are just in an age of idiocracy. I bet you can count on 2 hands or more, the amount of dumb people you have encountered in your life. How many dummies have you dealt with today?
There are days where my patience is extremely thin and I cannot escape this epidemic. We all have our Dumbass moments at one time or another, like falling off the sidewalk. Dumb people are usually dumb because they lack common sense. There was a time in my life that I thought common sense could be learned. I am not officially convinced that the has to be some type of genetic coding that determines the amount of common sense a person is born with.
This brings me to a solution for dealing with dummies. I think we all need to walk around with socks full of stress balls and baby powder. This is really not an original idea. I think the character Homey the Clown from in loving color had the right idea. I do know that public humiliation is not really a good way to set an example but honestly some people need some sense knocked into them.
Can you imagine yourself walking into a meeting with a group of people and having everyone coming out full of baby powder because at one time or another during the meeting they lacked common sense? To some people this would be unprofessional but in my opinion it will make a person think twice about saying or doing something stupid to spare themselves the embarrassment. It would be like wearing the letter A during puritanical times.
With that being said how do you deal with the dummies in your life? What are some of the dumb things you have had to endure?
I leave you with a clip of Homey the clown a character from In Living Color a show that has been off the air for a while.
**Disclaimer** While I do think it’s funny to smack sense into people who lack intelligence in hopes that they would get some sense. I am not telling you to go out there and do it. If you get yourself arrested please do not call or blame me. I will not bail you out and if you try to sue. Well, I have a disclaimer. Also I do not share the ideals of the video link. It is just to prove a point.
I must say today must have been a day where dumb people decided to unite and have a revolution because boy were they out today! Or maybe we are just in an age of idiocracy. I bet you can count on 2 hands or more, the amount of dumb people you have encountered in your life. How many dummies have you dealt with today?
There are days where my patience is extremely thin and I cannot escape this epidemic. We all have our Dumbass moments at one time or another, like falling off the sidewalk. Dumb people are usually dumb because they lack common sense. There was a time in my life that I thought common sense could be learned. I am not officially convinced that the has to be some type of genetic coding that determines the amount of common sense a person is born with.
This brings me to a solution for dealing with dummies. I think we all need to walk around with socks full of stress balls and baby powder. This is really not an original idea. I think the character Homey the Clown from in loving color had the right idea. I do know that public humiliation is not really a good way to set an example but honestly some people need some sense knocked into them.
Can you imagine yourself walking into a meeting with a group of people and having everyone coming out full of baby powder because at one time or another during the meeting they lacked common sense? To some people this would be unprofessional but in my opinion it will make a person think twice about saying or doing something stupid to spare themselves the embarrassment. It would be like wearing the letter A during puritanical times.
With that being said how do you deal with the dummies in your life? What are some of the dumb things you have had to endure?
I leave you with a clip of Homey the clown a character from In Living Color a show that has been off the air for a while.
**Disclaimer** While I do think it’s funny to smack sense into people who lack intelligence in hopes that they would get some sense. I am not telling you to go out there and do it. If you get yourself arrested please do not call or blame me. I will not bail you out and if you try to sue. Well, I have a disclaimer. Also I do not share the ideals of the video link. It is just to prove a point.
Saturday, August 27, 2011
Reinventing the Condom
Today on Face book someone I knew started a post about condoms. The original post was about the store running out of condoms but immediately it turned into an all out marketing idea. Now everyone who has read my previous blog entries knows that I’m not playing with a full deck. So you can only imagine some of our ideas.
At first we joked about things that could be used in lieu of condoms. Of course the first thing that was stated was saran wrap. My interjection was latex gloves and latex balloons. I mean most condoms are made of latex right? From there it went to garbage bags and ponchos. The idea of scotch tape was turned down. I guess taking it off might hurt a little.
This conversation then went into flavored condoms. We began talking about different hood flavors we could make. Among those flavors we got sex on the beach, Onion and Garlic, Funyons, Cinnamon toast crunch, and Henny black. There were more flavors that were mentioned. Then in my jaded head I came up with this: "Imagine seeing guys walking down the street chewing on Hennessey flavored condoms like they were gum". There would be a lot of pause no homo’s as they offered one to their friends.
After this the conversation took a turn for the worst when someone came up with an even better idea. Note pad condoms, a note written on the condom for the girl or guy to read as she performs oral sex or puts the condom on. I really don't want to give away all of our ideas but some of them include but are not limited to:
"If you are drunk you can’t see this message"
"I know I’m too small for this condom I was hoping you didn’t notice"
"My dick is not small your vagina is big.."
"Surprise, I’m not your man I’m his twin
"delivery in 30 minutes or less or you get your money back"
"Don’t think of it as 2 mins think of it as 200 really fast pumps.:-)"
"Glow in the dark version "If you looked better you would be able to read this condom with the lights on"
There were many more and the list is still growing. I mean with the weather being bad and all this is good "clean" fun. I can only imagine if someone actually wore one of these. Some of the insulting condoms would ruin relationships and marriages. Some people would think they were funny but those are the dimwits. You know the type they take 10 minutes to figure out they were the brunt of the joke. I mean by then the other person would be done. For the witty notes it may make for a good conversation over drinks with friends at a later date.
What are some flavors or ideas for note condoms can you think of?
*disclaimer* using anything other than a condom to engage in random sex will not protect you from pregnancy or STD's.
At first we joked about things that could be used in lieu of condoms. Of course the first thing that was stated was saran wrap. My interjection was latex gloves and latex balloons. I mean most condoms are made of latex right? From there it went to garbage bags and ponchos. The idea of scotch tape was turned down. I guess taking it off might hurt a little.
This conversation then went into flavored condoms. We began talking about different hood flavors we could make. Among those flavors we got sex on the beach, Onion and Garlic, Funyons, Cinnamon toast crunch, and Henny black. There were more flavors that were mentioned. Then in my jaded head I came up with this: "Imagine seeing guys walking down the street chewing on Hennessey flavored condoms like they were gum". There would be a lot of pause no homo’s as they offered one to their friends.
After this the conversation took a turn for the worst when someone came up with an even better idea. Note pad condoms, a note written on the condom for the girl or guy to read as she performs oral sex or puts the condom on. I really don't want to give away all of our ideas but some of them include but are not limited to:
"If you are drunk you can’t see this message"
"I know I’m too small for this condom I was hoping you didn’t notice"
"My dick is not small your vagina is big.."
"Surprise, I’m not your man I’m his twin
"delivery in 30 minutes or less or you get your money back"
"Don’t think of it as 2 mins think of it as 200 really fast pumps.:-)"
"Glow in the dark version "If you looked better you would be able to read this condom with the lights on"
There were many more and the list is still growing. I mean with the weather being bad and all this is good "clean" fun. I can only imagine if someone actually wore one of these. Some of the insulting condoms would ruin relationships and marriages. Some people would think they were funny but those are the dimwits. You know the type they take 10 minutes to figure out they were the brunt of the joke. I mean by then the other person would be done. For the witty notes it may make for a good conversation over drinks with friends at a later date.
What are some flavors or ideas for note condoms can you think of?
*disclaimer* using anything other than a condom to engage in random sex will not protect you from pregnancy or STD's.
Friday, August 26, 2011
Hurricane Hurricane Turn around
Everyone in the world should know by now that Hurricane Irene is headed towards the northeast. It's all they talk about on the news and local channels. There are a lot of areas that are in mandatory evacuation. Mass transit is being shut down early tomorrow. This is a really serious occurrence. Let's think about it, the MTA who is always starving for money is shutting down!
I hear a lot of people saying they are not leaving their house for evacuation measures. I am guessing these fools must have forgotten about Hurricane Katrina. Fools were standing on houses and swimming by in bath tubs because they didn't want to evacuate. I'd rather be safe than sorry. If I lived in one of these areas or an area that prone to flooding during regular storms, you better believe I would have been out of here.
I really hope the hurricane turns around into the atlantic and doesnt affect us as bad. If not fortunately for me, I live a little inland and on a hill so the River would have to turn into a monsoon for me to be affected. With that being said we are getting ready to stay indoors and hug each other scared to death if this storm is as bad as they say. I think we have everything we need to survive.
Here is my list:
Batteries
Flashlight
First aid stuff
Water
Baby wipes
B.O.B.
Juice
Nutra grain and granola bars
Crackers
Apples
Dry cereal
Fruit snacks
Apple sauce
Peanut butter and jelly
Bread
I know people are wondering why I don’t have canned goods on my list but I have them what good is a can of tomato sauce going to do for me if I don't have electricity to make tomato soup? Cold corned beef reminds me of dog food. Let's not talk about Vienna sausages. I think I just threw up in my mouth. So I have prepared with stuff I know I will eat.
The only thing that I don't have that I wished I did was a boo thing (companion). You say who would think about sex in a time like this? *raises hand* Why not get your rocks off? Plus if there is an emergency I need to use someone as a shield. Wait men aren't accessories? Let me stop, I know that is not nice.
So the day before the storm is supposed to arrive (today). I decided I am making a really big unhealthy meal. You don’t know if we will have power, water and gas. So I figured we can get nice and happy tonight. I made barbeque chicken wings, Collard greens with smoked turkey wings and Jazzed up Kraft macaroni and cheese. I have to make a beer run too. This way if we have to eat like 1st graders at lunch for the next 3 days we can remember out last good meal.
Anyway, I hope everyone in the path of the hurricane stays safe from harm. Please take heed to the precautions given by the news and authorities.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The mystery of the Queefs
There are many elements of sex that are awesome but queefing has to be one of the most embarrassing things that can happen to a woman next to passing gas. I had someone ask what queefing was. A queef is a vaginal fart. There is really no nicer way to put it. This happens air gets caught in the vaginal canal during sex then comes out making a pffftt sound.
Yes it really sounds like your vagina is farting. The only difference between a queef and a fart is the queef doesn't smell like yesterdays chili and corn. One would hope not anyway. Ladies, if your queef smells rotten then you have bigger fish to fry. Go see your GYN, ASAP.
There are a few men that I have spoken to about the topics of queefs and there seems to be mixed opinions on the subject. Some men are absolutely appalled and it is an automatic mood killer. You would get the, what did you just do face and as they accuse you of passing gas as their little soldier goes into retreat mode. That's because they don't know what just happened or the cause of it. At that point even if the session continues after a queef the rest is really awkward especially if you are laughing.
The men that don't mind the queefs will look at your with pride and give you a grin. These are the guys that will make funny jokes like of she's talking to me. Meanwhile they will try to make it happen again. I don't think I know very many women who admittedly said they love it when they queef. I am sure that there are some out there.
I have now educated you guys on the pffttt..
Do you have any queefing stories?
Ladies, do you queef?
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The endless ass wipe
So from time to time I shift away from sex talk to bring you life talk. Today I want to talk about the endless ass wipe. For those who don't know; the endless ass wipe is when you wipe your ass for 10 minutes and it seems like your ass is never going to get clean.
I know its gross but wiping your ass is a part of life. Who wants to walk around with skid marks and an itchy anus? Not I and that is for sure. The endless ass wipe is never fun and in some situations can get you into a bit of a predicament. Here are some situations where the endless ass wipe can really suck.
Ever finish your business and go to wipe and the tissue is low? When there is like 2 go rounds of the hand left on the roll. There is no other tissue around. Then you find out you are a victim of the endless ass wipe. This is where public restrooms suck. The gas station doesn't have a bidet. So therefore someone is in a shitty situation. So please always check the toilet paper levels before you do the dew.
Ever use half of the roll on an endless ass wipe? This is scary because depending on the persons or your commode, you may have clogged it. The worst situation is when you break the commode and then find no plunger. Having to leave the restroom to tell who ever owns the place can be quite embarrassing especially if it is someone you like. How do you even start that conversation? "Hey Jenny, I know we've only dated for a week but I broke your facilities." Don't expect Jenny to call you after that unless she has previously broke your commode and blamed it on someone else.
I know a lot of people use baby wipes. To me baby wipes are good to wipe but then your ass stays wet. If you use tissue after the wipes then your get paper dingle berries in your ass. How cute it that? Anyway, where do these baby wipes go? Do you throw them in the trash? I know they clog the toilet so people can't be flushing them. Can you imagine a few days worth of shit filled wipes in the trash. That house must stink like crap. *yuck face*
In my opinion the best thing to do after an endless ass wipe is to take a good long shower. Please use a wash cloth and soap. Putting your hands in your bottom after an endless ass wipe is not a good idea. Not that I have experienced this first hand but it just doesn’t seem kosher.
Until next time folks keep your hands clean and your asses out of trouble.
Black widow daters
The title basically speaks for itself. Just give me a minute to explain this one then if you don't like what I had to say then you can talk shit.
There are people in the world that are like the black widows of the dating world. A black widow dater is almost the exact same as the black widow spider. Everything is going great until they mate then they bite the heads off of their mate thus killing them. Well the black widow dater will have a great time with the potential victim then after sex they will begin to slowly kill that person. Not in the physical aspect but they would begin to treat the other person like trash. They may even put the other person in sex only (jumpoff) status although everything leading up to the sex never indicated that it would be just sex.
The black widow dater can be detrimental to a friendship. Friends don't have sex. Sex ruins friendships. I know there are a lot of you out there that believe in friends with benefits. Hey, if that's what you like it’s on you. I know what it does to real friendships and it isn't pretty. This is why I came to the conclusion that some friendships trump sex.
For example :( I will not say the opposite sex either because I have seen same sex friend’s ruined as well.) You guys know that there is chemistry there. You go out and have a great time. You have sex. You find out the person or maybe you are emotionally unavailable. The next time you see this person at friend X's house the encounter will uber AWKWARD!
There are some people in this world that mean more to me than a wild 30-45 minutes of hot animalistic sex.
I was kind of a black widow dater at one point. I wasn't aware that I was a black widow dater because men never bothered to say anything. They would deal with me and take the abuse. A good friend of mine made a joke one day that opened my eyes. I think it’s because I highly mistreated a member of her family that I was dealing with for a good period of time. She made A LOT of jokes about how I treated him and like a sick puppy he followed me around anyway.
I can't say if I am still a black widow dater but I try to be weary of my actions. So if I ever treated you like trash after an encounter my apologies. Humans are creatures of habit. You don't know you have a problem until someone points it out sometimes. By the way please stop acting like little bitches and your feelings won't get hurt. What? I am a work in progress.
Do you know Black widow daters? Are you one? Have you encountered one? How do you handle them?
There are people in the world that are like the black widows of the dating world. A black widow dater is almost the exact same as the black widow spider. Everything is going great until they mate then they bite the heads off of their mate thus killing them. Well the black widow dater will have a great time with the potential victim then after sex they will begin to slowly kill that person. Not in the physical aspect but they would begin to treat the other person like trash. They may even put the other person in sex only (jumpoff) status although everything leading up to the sex never indicated that it would be just sex.
The black widow dater can be detrimental to a friendship. Friends don't have sex. Sex ruins friendships. I know there are a lot of you out there that believe in friends with benefits. Hey, if that's what you like it’s on you. I know what it does to real friendships and it isn't pretty. This is why I came to the conclusion that some friendships trump sex.
For example :( I will not say the opposite sex either because I have seen same sex friend’s ruined as well.) You guys know that there is chemistry there. You go out and have a great time. You have sex. You find out the person or maybe you are emotionally unavailable. The next time you see this person at friend X's house the encounter will uber AWKWARD!
There are some people in this world that mean more to me than a wild 30-45 minutes of hot animalistic sex.
I was kind of a black widow dater at one point. I wasn't aware that I was a black widow dater because men never bothered to say anything. They would deal with me and take the abuse. A good friend of mine made a joke one day that opened my eyes. I think it’s because I highly mistreated a member of her family that I was dealing with for a good period of time. She made A LOT of jokes about how I treated him and like a sick puppy he followed me around anyway.
I can't say if I am still a black widow dater but I try to be weary of my actions. So if I ever treated you like trash after an encounter my apologies. Humans are creatures of habit. You don't know you have a problem until someone points it out sometimes. By the way please stop acting like little bitches and your feelings won't get hurt. What? I am a work in progress.
Do you know Black widow daters? Are you one? Have you encountered one? How do you handle them?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Shaky Shakey we had a quakey.
While the whole east coast was in mass hysteria thinking the world was coming to an end because we had a tremor. I was thinking my place was about to collapse because it is old as hell. The thought of an Earthquake was a totally secondary thought. I have PANEL walls for God's sake. I thought I was going nuts when I asked my landlord if he felt the house shake and he gave me that are you on drugs look. Maybe they thought my kids were home jumping around acting a fool and thought nothing of the house shaking.
I turned to Fox News to see what was going on. For some reason I couldn't find CNN but I digress. They were pretty cool about it. Once they figured out that no structures were damaged and everything was good to go the reporter said "So we had a little shake Japan and California are laughing at us right now. Everyone can relax now." This was the same thing I was thinking. Having had lived in California for a few years I have experienced an earthquake before. This could be why my attitude was so nonchalant.
I do want to say that people get extremely stupid during disasters. People were saying "Oh my Gosh my cell phone isn't working." I mean did it occur to anyone that all the networks would be jammed because everyone was trying to call at once? 4G doesn’t stand for 4GOD network. They don't perform telephone miracles. These networks are not prepared for extreme amounts of traffic. Hmm... LIGHTBULB! Maybe someone should work on that. Create a phone network that never crashes. I would have thought Apple would have an app for that but they don't.
Another great idea is that Apple should be making an app to warn people if an earthquake is coming. It can be called iQuake. When there is plate movement it can send an alert to the phone thus warning the owner of a possible quake. I know someone will steal my idea but such is life. I think it’s funny. Imagine someone having sex while having the iQuake app. Phone would be like WOMP WOMP WOMP earthquake. WOMP WOMP WOMP. Then a guy could use a cheesy line like look baby today is the day you made the earth move.
While I am making light of this I do take things seriously. Sometimes. *looks for lightening*
I turned to Fox News to see what was going on. For some reason I couldn't find CNN but I digress. They were pretty cool about it. Once they figured out that no structures were damaged and everything was good to go the reporter said "So we had a little shake Japan and California are laughing at us right now. Everyone can relax now." This was the same thing I was thinking. Having had lived in California for a few years I have experienced an earthquake before. This could be why my attitude was so nonchalant.
I do want to say that people get extremely stupid during disasters. People were saying "Oh my Gosh my cell phone isn't working." I mean did it occur to anyone that all the networks would be jammed because everyone was trying to call at once? 4G doesn’t stand for 4GOD network. They don't perform telephone miracles. These networks are not prepared for extreme amounts of traffic. Hmm... LIGHTBULB! Maybe someone should work on that. Create a phone network that never crashes. I would have thought Apple would have an app for that but they don't.
Another great idea is that Apple should be making an app to warn people if an earthquake is coming. It can be called iQuake. When there is plate movement it can send an alert to the phone thus warning the owner of a possible quake. I know someone will steal my idea but such is life. I think it’s funny. Imagine someone having sex while having the iQuake app. Phone would be like WOMP WOMP WOMP earthquake. WOMP WOMP WOMP. Then a guy could use a cheesy line like look baby today is the day you made the earth move.
While I am making light of this I do take things seriously. Sometimes. *looks for lightening*
Monday, August 22, 2011
Pussy in a glass no more.; the power of no
The definition of pussy in a glass is simple and there isn’t a nice way to put it. Pussy/Dick in a glass is the fall back sex person that you call when all else fails. Usually that person is your go to person because they are reliable.
So last night the popcorn popper was almost a victim of drunken dialing and becoming pussy in a glass. While I knew based on the time and the person it couldn't have been for anything other than a booty call. I still felt compelled to answer. So I did. And you guessed it, the person wanted to come over. Well I am glad to report that I did kindly say no thank you.
Most of you may be thinking that the Popcorn Popper has lost her ever loving mind, especially since my sex life is as exciting as calling Bingo numbers in an old folk’s home for deaf people. Here is the thing though I would rather be with B.O.B than to be consumed in the amount of drama that this person brings to the table. I am not saying that saying no was easy. Lord knows I was so tempted but the past kept flashing in front of me. Since I know that history tends to repeat itself I have to say that this time I was on the winning end.
Or was I? All night I had vivid dreams of wild adventures. My damned loins were throbbing for hours. So in the AM I decided that maybe that offer wouldn't be so bad. I contemplated accepting the offer for a later date. I didn't make the call though. The one thing I know about the drunken late night call is this, if they don't offer when they are sober maybe you weren't their first call while they were drunk or worse maybe you are only attractive to them when they are wearing their beer goggles.
Later on in the day when I had to interact with this person they acted as if the offer had never been presented. Could it have been pride? I mean since I did say no. Or could it just be that some people never change and I will always be that pussy in a glass for said person? I go with the latter. That is why I am glad that I learned the power of NO. While some people never change I am glad that I had the power to do so. It isn't easy being so damned good but man I am GOOD.
When was the last time you were or contacted your dick/pussy in a glass? Have you been a victim of late night calling? How did you handle it?
So last night the popcorn popper was almost a victim of drunken dialing and becoming pussy in a glass. While I knew based on the time and the person it couldn't have been for anything other than a booty call. I still felt compelled to answer. So I did. And you guessed it, the person wanted to come over. Well I am glad to report that I did kindly say no thank you.
Most of you may be thinking that the Popcorn Popper has lost her ever loving mind, especially since my sex life is as exciting as calling Bingo numbers in an old folk’s home for deaf people. Here is the thing though I would rather be with B.O.B than to be consumed in the amount of drama that this person brings to the table. I am not saying that saying no was easy. Lord knows I was so tempted but the past kept flashing in front of me. Since I know that history tends to repeat itself I have to say that this time I was on the winning end.
Or was I? All night I had vivid dreams of wild adventures. My damned loins were throbbing for hours. So in the AM I decided that maybe that offer wouldn't be so bad. I contemplated accepting the offer for a later date. I didn't make the call though. The one thing I know about the drunken late night call is this, if they don't offer when they are sober maybe you weren't their first call while they were drunk or worse maybe you are only attractive to them when they are wearing their beer goggles.
Later on in the day when I had to interact with this person they acted as if the offer had never been presented. Could it have been pride? I mean since I did say no. Or could it just be that some people never change and I will always be that pussy in a glass for said person? I go with the latter. That is why I am glad that I learned the power of NO. While some people never change I am glad that I had the power to do so. It isn't easy being so damned good but man I am GOOD.
When was the last time you were or contacted your dick/pussy in a glass? Have you been a victim of late night calling? How did you handle it?
The fundamentals of face
Ok folks so here it is as promised, The Fundamentals of face. I know that the men enjoyed knowing that I put the fundamentals of head out there for those ladies who think they are head doctors when they really are head cases. Now it is time for me to school you men by giving you insight and tips on your face time game. Not to be confused with any apple products I am talking licking vagina.
Just as communication is important for giving head it goes the same for giving face. While it is easier for a female to fake her moans than it is for a guy to fake a woody guys please communicate. Every woman likes different things. There are some women who do not appreciate direct clitoral contact. It is a sensitive spot and it can get uncomfortable really fast. Ask her where she likes it done, on it or just to the right or left of it. Depending on how well your partner knows her vagina she will be able to get you dead on so you are not licking for 3 hours and nothing.
Listen to her body. If she is too busy moaning to use her words then you need to use her body as a guide. If she pushes your head closer that is a good sign. While shaking can be an indication that you are doing something good it can double as a no go. You may be hitting a sensitive spot too much and she will eventually stop you or worse. She may start laughing uncontrollably.
Give her the middle finger. No, I do not mean shoot her the bird. Put your middle finger in her vagina palm facing up and proceed with the come hither motion. If you feel something spongy inside good you are hitting the right spot. Now I am warning you. This is the G spot. Some women will make it rain on your face if she has a vaginal orgasm. This can occur with enough stimulation to the Gspot. So if you know your woman is a soaker wear some water goggles.
Women are not cats. While we do enjoy the simple lick, please change it up. Write your name with your tongue, spell out the alphabet, make the number 8 and apply slow pressure as you do it. While this gives her pressure you changing your motions will help you find which one she likes the best. So if she is an O girl then O her till she OOOOOO's.
The last tip I am going to leave you with is this just like your balls like attention so do ours. Rub her breast a little while you are spelling out your favorite beer. Kiss on her lips, not the ones on her face but her vaginal lips. Give her a little tease.
Just like my head blog I do have more tricks but why give them all away. You guys have to learn certain things on your own. Your women will thank you if you have provided a job well done. You guys just hope she isn't a one nut wonder. The one nut wonders are people who get their orgasms and turn over and go right to sleep.
*disclaimer* I am not responsible for any stalkers you may obtain by following my tips. Also if she squirts in your eye I did warn about the goggles.
Just as communication is important for giving head it goes the same for giving face. While it is easier for a female to fake her moans than it is for a guy to fake a woody guys please communicate. Every woman likes different things. There are some women who do not appreciate direct clitoral contact. It is a sensitive spot and it can get uncomfortable really fast. Ask her where she likes it done, on it or just to the right or left of it. Depending on how well your partner knows her vagina she will be able to get you dead on so you are not licking for 3 hours and nothing.
Listen to her body. If she is too busy moaning to use her words then you need to use her body as a guide. If she pushes your head closer that is a good sign. While shaking can be an indication that you are doing something good it can double as a no go. You may be hitting a sensitive spot too much and she will eventually stop you or worse. She may start laughing uncontrollably.
Give her the middle finger. No, I do not mean shoot her the bird. Put your middle finger in her vagina palm facing up and proceed with the come hither motion. If you feel something spongy inside good you are hitting the right spot. Now I am warning you. This is the G spot. Some women will make it rain on your face if she has a vaginal orgasm. This can occur with enough stimulation to the Gspot. So if you know your woman is a soaker wear some water goggles.
Women are not cats. While we do enjoy the simple lick, please change it up. Write your name with your tongue, spell out the alphabet, make the number 8 and apply slow pressure as you do it. While this gives her pressure you changing your motions will help you find which one she likes the best. So if she is an O girl then O her till she OOOOOO's.
The last tip I am going to leave you with is this just like your balls like attention so do ours. Rub her breast a little while you are spelling out your favorite beer. Kiss on her lips, not the ones on her face but her vaginal lips. Give her a little tease.
Just like my head blog I do have more tricks but why give them all away. You guys have to learn certain things on your own. Your women will thank you if you have provided a job well done. You guys just hope she isn't a one nut wonder. The one nut wonders are people who get their orgasms and turn over and go right to sleep.
*disclaimer* I am not responsible for any stalkers you may obtain by following my tips. Also if she squirts in your eye I did warn about the goggles.
Saturday, August 20, 2011
The fundamentals of head
Well ladies and gentlemen welcome to another addition of popcorn and pillows. I am your resident blogger the Popcorn Popper. Today I want to talk to you about the fundamentals of head. Don't worry ladies the next edition will be the fundamentals of face. The guys need to be educated as much as we do.
The main thing about giving your partner decent head is communication. You need to know what your partner likes. Different guys like different things. It’s ok to ask a guy if he likes something. Ask him for suggestions and do not get mad when you find out you were not the head doctor you thought you were.
The next thing is no scrapping, not all men like it when you use teeth. Now ladies not all penises are the same size so you need to figure out how much space you have and what position is the best when giving your man head. For example, if you man is rather thick then giving him head while you lay sideways may not be a great idea. Give him head straight on and make sure you curl your lips slightly in so that the lip protects the penis from the teeth. I’m not saying make granny lips. You know the ones that are sunken in, but a little lip tuck goes a long way.
Another thing please pay attention to your man. While asking helps he will talk without words. If you do something and the penis gets soft then don’t do that again. Common sense, well you would think. If you are doing something and his toes are curling don't stop unless he asks you to. The worst thing in the world is for something to be feeling good and the person changes it up.
Next on my list is moisture. I don’t know many guys who like their dick to feel like it is being scrapped with sand paper. Make sure your mouth is fairly moist. Not all men like slobbers but all men like to feel moisture. So if your mouth is dry, get a drink of water or chew some gum. Please use some common sense. If you are chewing gum and giving head make sure you don't chew on the penis. Or worse, get the gum stuck in his pubes. Hopefully he has sense enough to have all that trimmed and groomed for you.
The last thing I am going to tell you is don’t forget the balls. Lick them, suck them, and hold them. They have feelings too. Guys love their balls fondled while you have a mouth full of their penis. It adds that extra pleasure.
There are a lot of great things that I did not cover. I will not give away my secrets. So I am just giving the basics. I can't guarantee that you will start giving porn star head if you follow these tips but I do know this will get you on your way to it.
What are some of the fundamentals you think I left out? Any questions?
The main thing about giving your partner decent head is communication. You need to know what your partner likes. Different guys like different things. It’s ok to ask a guy if he likes something. Ask him for suggestions and do not get mad when you find out you were not the head doctor you thought you were.
The next thing is no scrapping, not all men like it when you use teeth. Now ladies not all penises are the same size so you need to figure out how much space you have and what position is the best when giving your man head. For example, if you man is rather thick then giving him head while you lay sideways may not be a great idea. Give him head straight on and make sure you curl your lips slightly in so that the lip protects the penis from the teeth. I’m not saying make granny lips. You know the ones that are sunken in, but a little lip tuck goes a long way.
Another thing please pay attention to your man. While asking helps he will talk without words. If you do something and the penis gets soft then don’t do that again. Common sense, well you would think. If you are doing something and his toes are curling don't stop unless he asks you to. The worst thing in the world is for something to be feeling good and the person changes it up.
Next on my list is moisture. I don’t know many guys who like their dick to feel like it is being scrapped with sand paper. Make sure your mouth is fairly moist. Not all men like slobbers but all men like to feel moisture. So if your mouth is dry, get a drink of water or chew some gum. Please use some common sense. If you are chewing gum and giving head make sure you don't chew on the penis. Or worse, get the gum stuck in his pubes. Hopefully he has sense enough to have all that trimmed and groomed for you.
The last thing I am going to tell you is don’t forget the balls. Lick them, suck them, and hold them. They have feelings too. Guys love their balls fondled while you have a mouth full of their penis. It adds that extra pleasure.
There are a lot of great things that I did not cover. I will not give away my secrets. So I am just giving the basics. I can't guarantee that you will start giving porn star head if you follow these tips but I do know this will get you on your way to it.
What are some of the fundamentals you think I left out? Any questions?
The desk workout
Forget the Kanye work out I’m on that desk workout. I sit at my desk for almost 7 hours a day. After a few hours I feel my body stiffening up, not in a good way. Getting a good workout in can be hard if you have a hectic schedule. So every now and then I get on my desk workout.
For those of you idiots out there that think I mean doing jumping jacks and pushups that is not what I am talking about. There are times I walk a few laps around the office. Make it seem like I forgot something at my desk on my way to speak to someone. Even though it is a small amount of walking every little bit helps. I also use the steps instead of the elevator most times. Does it help? Let's ask my sexy calves?
Today I decided to engage in sun gods (arm circles), sitting individual leg lifts and waist twists. It woke me up and I feel good now. While people will shoot you funny looks if they see you doing this don't be scared to get your blood flowing. Everyone likes a little eye candy. I am not saying by doing this everyone will find you irresistible and you will melt away the fat. If you get active a little at a time before you know it you will get nice and shapely without realizing.
Disclaimer: Eating healthy and working out for 30 minutes a day is always recommended by experts. I am not an expert. Also I don't hate fat people. I just hate looking at my own jelly rolls so why would I want to look at yours? I am not the picture of health. I AM HUMAN.
What are some other ways other than the gym and sex that you workout?
For those of you idiots out there that think I mean doing jumping jacks and pushups that is not what I am talking about. There are times I walk a few laps around the office. Make it seem like I forgot something at my desk on my way to speak to someone. Even though it is a small amount of walking every little bit helps. I also use the steps instead of the elevator most times. Does it help? Let's ask my sexy calves?
Today I decided to engage in sun gods (arm circles), sitting individual leg lifts and waist twists. It woke me up and I feel good now. While people will shoot you funny looks if they see you doing this don't be scared to get your blood flowing. Everyone likes a little eye candy. I am not saying by doing this everyone will find you irresistible and you will melt away the fat. If you get active a little at a time before you know it you will get nice and shapely without realizing.
Disclaimer: Eating healthy and working out for 30 minutes a day is always recommended by experts. I am not an expert. Also I don't hate fat people. I just hate looking at my own jelly rolls so why would I want to look at yours? I am not the picture of health. I AM HUMAN.
What are some other ways other than the gym and sex that you workout?
Thursday, August 18, 2011
The not so sex drive....
In my previous entry I spoke about masturbation and people claiming not to do it. Well one of my reader’s made a comment and it made me think about sex drive. So I began to wonder, what can kill a person’s sex drive? So I ventured off to Web MD to find some reasons a person can have a low sex drive. I am fortunate not to have issues with my sex drive being too low. We can talk about MY sex drive another day.
Here is the list of things I found on web MD: Stress, unresolved relationship issues, alcohol, not enough sleep, parenting, medication, poor body image, obesity, erectile dysfunction, low testosterone, depression, menopause, and not enough intimacy. These are all factors they listed in a slide show. Like I said I don’t have this problem but I figured I could make my own list of why people have a low sex drive.
My list and explanations:
1. Your partner who claims to be straight is really in the closet. I mean how often would your husband or wife really want to touch you if they don’t crave your parts? While some DL people do come out, others are afraid of their own shadow because of whatever personal reasons they have. So that closet person will never come out and tell their husband/wife “Honey, I know I have a penis but I want to get pounded in my anal canal.” Or “Honey, while you have a nice little pecker I’d rather emerge my face in vaginal fluids than to have to jerk your penis again. “
2. Your partner has bad hygiene. This is self explanatory isn’t it? No one wants to have sex with someone who smells like the inside of a gypsy cab when the underwear comes off or even worse. I don’t know about you guys but if my partner has stink ass breath I will not be kissing them. So tell them rinse, gargle, floss and brush and take an enema while you’re at it. Your insides might be rotting from the inside out.
3. Your partner is ugly. While people usually go for looks first. Some people go for personality which is always a good thing but what happens when your little soldier cannot rise because your girlfriend suffers from trolliosis? You know, when your partner looks like they are supposed to be collecting tolls at the footbridge in a children’s book.
4. Another reason is genital size. Now before you go jumping to conclusions guys this is for both men and women. Men can either be too big or too small for a woman. Yes I said too big. Its possible women. Stop acting like you like 12 inch penis, your vagina is probably the size of the Grand Canyon due to those monster schlongs. Which leads me to women, a woman can be too big or too small as well. While men do claim to like tight spaces for a vagina there is such thing as too tight. That’s the point when a guy thinks he penis might snap off because it barely went in and it got even tighter. Also we all know about the endless vagina. The one that the guys who are large can slide in without a problem, well think about the average guy trying to go in there. His penis would be in there echoing. “Hellooo, Hellooo.”
Well I said I was only giving a few examples. So what are some of your thoughts on lack of sex drive? Did I hit the nail on the head? What did I miss? What are your personal reasons for being turned off and not wanting to have sex? We all want to know…
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
touch it or torment it
Masturbation is something that is considered a normal part of life. Well to me it is anyway. I have met some people who claim to have never fiddled the kitty or stroked the pole. It just makes me wonder, can people get by without doing it?
A few years back I decided to take a sabbatical from sex. I became celibate. I went for about 2 weeks without masturbating before I realized that if I didn't have an orgasm stat I was more than likely going to hurt someone.
So remained celibate but continued to get my rocks off myself. In a lot of religions this is definitely a faux pas but I figured if Jesus forgave Judas and his persecutors for crucifying him I might be forgiven for kneading my dough. Anyway I broke my celibacy after a few months and got knocked up. Go team condoms! They only work if you use them all the time.
I don't know how people can go around not doing it. In my eyes masturbation is right up there with peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread; Simple but amazing! Maybe those folks don't know what its like to truly climax don't know. Or maybe just maybe I'm an addict. It can go either way but I will plead the fifth if ever asked about it.
Are you a person who masturbates or are you grossed about by the very thought?
A few years back I decided to take a sabbatical from sex. I became celibate. I went for about 2 weeks without masturbating before I realized that if I didn't have an orgasm stat I was more than likely going to hurt someone.
So remained celibate but continued to get my rocks off myself. In a lot of religions this is definitely a faux pas but I figured if Jesus forgave Judas and his persecutors for crucifying him I might be forgiven for kneading my dough. Anyway I broke my celibacy after a few months and got knocked up. Go team condoms! They only work if you use them all the time.
I don't know how people can go around not doing it. In my eyes masturbation is right up there with peanut butter and jelly on wheat bread; Simple but amazing! Maybe those folks don't know what its like to truly climax don't know. Or maybe just maybe I'm an addict. It can go either way but I will plead the fifth if ever asked about it.
Are you a person who masturbates or are you grossed about by the very thought?
Sunday, August 14, 2011
the not so sexy panties
Every woman I know owns a few pairs of not so sexy panties. The longer a woman is single and not trying to score some ass the less and less sexy her panty collection becomes. Can you imagine what my panty draw looks like?
For those people who imagine my panty draw full of sexy erotic thongs, think again. As I got older I said forget having a piece of floss stuck up my ass for hours. Those things can hurt your ass. Like if you sit the wrong way and the thong pulls tight. It can literally scratch your anal area. Not a good look.
Ever wonder why girls in the clubs act so stank? It's because they have thong cuts on their assholes. They can't help but to be bitchy. They have diaper rash.
I digress. The other day I was getting dress and I put on a pair of nude color seamless bikini panties. Nice ad comfortable might I add. Well I had forgotten I had company and I was supposed to pretend to b sexy. As I was getting dressed he sarcastically said "Sexy." While I was a little embarrassed I kindly pointed out to him that I've known him for too long to be uncomfortable.
I mean are women supposed to pretend to love the sexy panty their whole life? When is it OK to pull out the not so sexy panties?
For those people who imagine my panty draw full of sexy erotic thongs, think again. As I got older I said forget having a piece of floss stuck up my ass for hours. Those things can hurt your ass. Like if you sit the wrong way and the thong pulls tight. It can literally scratch your anal area. Not a good look.
Ever wonder why girls in the clubs act so stank? It's because they have thong cuts on their assholes. They can't help but to be bitchy. They have diaper rash.
I digress. The other day I was getting dress and I put on a pair of nude color seamless bikini panties. Nice ad comfortable might I add. Well I had forgotten I had company and I was supposed to pretend to b sexy. As I was getting dressed he sarcastically said "Sexy." While I was a little embarrassed I kindly pointed out to him that I've known him for too long to be uncomfortable.
I mean are women supposed to pretend to love the sexy panty their whole life? When is it OK to pull out the not so sexy panties?
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
I guest you doo
I always seem to find myself in the most peculiar of situations. I don't think there is ever a right time to excuse yourself when you have company to go do the doo. What is the doo you ask? You know take a shit, make a poop, drop the kids off at the pool. Some men feel that women shouldn't speak about bowel movements or that women in general shouldn't do them when they are around.
While on the first date with my ex-husband we went to Chili's. Well that was a really wild weekend as my girls and I were in Vegas. I had been drinking all weekend and I guess my body was like oh hell no. So we eat dinner and after I'm like oh let's go back to my hotel so I can change. He came up to the room with me. I guess he was trying to be a gentleman. Needless to say not even 5 minutes later I asked him to go and wait in the hotel lobby because my stomach was speaking in tongues. Yes, I told him I had to poop and I needed privacy. I mean I didn’t think that I would ever see him again after we left Vegas so what did I care. Eventually we became a couple then married and divorced. So I guess me having to excuse myself was a problem to him.
I have company today and I had to poop. I just went as he went outside to smoke a cigarette. My stomach was hurting from holding it. Why does being a woman mean you have to keep the mystery about your excretory functions? I mean holding a fluff (fart) and cause permanent damage to your bowels. Imagine blowing a hole in your intestines just so you won’t fart in front of company. That would be the worst date EVER. Don’t you agree? Be wearing a colostomy bag for the rest of your life just because you didn't want to fart in front of your man.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? How did you handle it? Do you care who is around when you have to go?
While on the first date with my ex-husband we went to Chili's. Well that was a really wild weekend as my girls and I were in Vegas. I had been drinking all weekend and I guess my body was like oh hell no. So we eat dinner and after I'm like oh let's go back to my hotel so I can change. He came up to the room with me. I guess he was trying to be a gentleman. Needless to say not even 5 minutes later I asked him to go and wait in the hotel lobby because my stomach was speaking in tongues. Yes, I told him I had to poop and I needed privacy. I mean I didn’t think that I would ever see him again after we left Vegas so what did I care. Eventually we became a couple then married and divorced. So I guess me having to excuse myself was a problem to him.
I have company today and I had to poop. I just went as he went outside to smoke a cigarette. My stomach was hurting from holding it. Why does being a woman mean you have to keep the mystery about your excretory functions? I mean holding a fluff (fart) and cause permanent damage to your bowels. Imagine blowing a hole in your intestines just so you won’t fart in front of company. That would be the worst date EVER. Don’t you agree? Be wearing a colostomy bag for the rest of your life just because you didn't want to fart in front of your man.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation? How did you handle it? Do you care who is around when you have to go?
Monday, August 8, 2011
Thoughts of getting pierced
Getting piercings’ can be so damn addictive. It’s right up there with getting tattoos. I know why people end up looking like the inside of a meat locker with metal hooks everywhere. Something about that initial pain makes it become so erotic. That Pinch right as you are slobbing all over the floor while your tongue is getting pierced. The flash of pain as your tongue swells in your mouth and it feels like it’s going to fall out. Aw the Romance of a piecing.
In my previous entry I talked about the nipple piercing. As I hit send I started to wonder. Am I took chicken shit to get it done? I mean I know I have other things to spend my money on but if the money magically showed up in my paypal account I just might have to consider getting it done. Just to prove to myself that I am no punk.
Who am I kidding I am the same person who says my breasts are not stress balls so don’t squeeze them. I think I might pass out if I tried to get a nipple pierced. What do you folks think? Do I have the balls to get a titty pierced? Or do you think I would ball up into a ball and cry after giving the piercing specialist a black eye?
How many of my readers have piercings? Where are they? Did it hurt?
In my previous entry I talked about the nipple piercing. As I hit send I started to wonder. Am I took chicken shit to get it done? I mean I know I have other things to spend my money on but if the money magically showed up in my paypal account I just might have to consider getting it done. Just to prove to myself that I am no punk.
Who am I kidding I am the same person who says my breasts are not stress balls so don’t squeeze them. I think I might pass out if I tried to get a nipple pierced. What do you folks think? Do I have the balls to get a titty pierced? Or do you think I would ball up into a ball and cry after giving the piercing specialist a black eye?
How many of my readers have piercings? Where are they? Did it hurt?
The incredible nip slip
So if you forgot that I heart Boobies, let me remind you. I love Boobies. Remember when I said I like to imagine the nipples? Well, nothing says "Hello Lady" like a nip slip. Nicki Minaj had a nip slip while performing on stage the other day. While yes most of her is plastic, hence why i am guessing she calls herself a Barbie, it was still nice to see her chocolate chip nips. Like I have said in the past you can gag her and send her my way.
While we are taking the time to talk about nip slips let’s talk about the great sets we have seen in the past. Rosario Dawson, while it wasn’t a nip slip, her pretty bitties did grace us on the silver screens. I forget what movie it was but trust me it was nice. I honestly don’t think the movie was even all that good other than her titties. I'm just being honest.
I mean we can't talk nip slip without talking about Janet's wardrobe malfunction during that one Super Bowl. She really makes me want to get my nipples pierced. Good thing I know how much that really hurts. For those reader’s wondering, it isn't going to happen. I'd be like that one stripper you see at every Strip club in America with the one nipple pierced. Everyone asks her the same dumb question too. "Flashy tittybox, why do you only have one nipple pierced?" but I digress.
If anyone ever wants to see Angelina Jolie naked and getting her lesbian on you have to watch Gia. Her breasts are perky and pleasant in this movie. This was before she had 80 kids of course. The only thing I have to warn about this movie is that she plays a heroin addict. I couldn’t watch the drug scenes. They made me cringe.
Even though I cheated and used examples from movies I know that you guys know of plenty of nip slips out there.
What are some of your Favorite Nip slips of all time?
While we are taking the time to talk about nip slips let’s talk about the great sets we have seen in the past. Rosario Dawson, while it wasn’t a nip slip, her pretty bitties did grace us on the silver screens. I forget what movie it was but trust me it was nice. I honestly don’t think the movie was even all that good other than her titties. I'm just being honest.
I mean we can't talk nip slip without talking about Janet's wardrobe malfunction during that one Super Bowl. She really makes me want to get my nipples pierced. Good thing I know how much that really hurts. For those reader’s wondering, it isn't going to happen. I'd be like that one stripper you see at every Strip club in America with the one nipple pierced. Everyone asks her the same dumb question too. "Flashy tittybox, why do you only have one nipple pierced?" but I digress.
If anyone ever wants to see Angelina Jolie naked and getting her lesbian on you have to watch Gia. Her breasts are perky and pleasant in this movie. This was before she had 80 kids of course. The only thing I have to warn about this movie is that she plays a heroin addict. I couldn’t watch the drug scenes. They made me cringe.
Even though I cheated and used examples from movies I know that you guys know of plenty of nip slips out there.
What are some of your Favorite Nip slips of all time?
Saturday, August 6, 2011
ANo or AnYes
It’s time to talk about taking a ride down the Hershey highway. For some this is a journey into forbidden land. For other's it is a journey to a great time. For those slow people who take a minute to catch on, I am talking about anal also known as anal sex. Did I spell it out enough?
I know people all over the United States and have had conversations about different things. Anal is a conversation that always comes up in sex. Either people are all for it or all against it. It always makes for a good conversation piece. Well for the perverts like me it does anyway.
Now let's not be discriminatory. I know many gay men who are AnYes, but there are some out there who are ANO. This piece is about both men and women who equally enjoy or are repulsed in the giving or receiving of anal sex. There are some men who think having anal sex with their women makes them feel like less of a man but being afraid of your own sexuality is another story.
The people who are AnYes (for anal sex) well these folks can tell you what lube is the best. How it should be put in. Even about how the anal sex has made them achieve multiple orgasms. Anal sex is about being perceptive of your partner. I mean if you are a guy and want your woman to continue giving up the brown eye. Then please be perceptive. Yes, I said perceptive. Now I know that when your little penises are hard it is hard to think about anything else but listen. If your woman says ow and you’re in that hole. It’s not a pleasure ow. It means Muthafu@@a if you don’t get that thing out of there I may have to hurt you. Also women if you like anal or decide to try it, make sure your bum is fresh from the inside out. I don’t think your man wants his penis to smell of rotting garbage and yesterday’s lasagna. I'm just saying, while you broads think your poop smells like flowers it really smells like rotting carcasses.
For my ANo's I can truly understand why you don't want to do it. Some of the things I have heard were: But that's nasty. Well what if I shit on him? What if I have a gaping butt hole and when I laugh my poop just shoots out? Ok the last one was a stretch but even I laughed as I typed that out. All the concerns are definitely valid none the less.
I can't confirm nor deny my status on whether I am ANo or AnYes due to privacy reasons. I was just wondering how many of you are ANo or AnYes are. Explain why.....
You don’t have to post using your real name or a name I might recognize but seeing how many are on each side would be interesting.
I know people all over the United States and have had conversations about different things. Anal is a conversation that always comes up in sex. Either people are all for it or all against it. It always makes for a good conversation piece. Well for the perverts like me it does anyway.
Now let's not be discriminatory. I know many gay men who are AnYes, but there are some out there who are ANO. This piece is about both men and women who equally enjoy or are repulsed in the giving or receiving of anal sex. There are some men who think having anal sex with their women makes them feel like less of a man but being afraid of your own sexuality is another story.
The people who are AnYes (for anal sex) well these folks can tell you what lube is the best. How it should be put in. Even about how the anal sex has made them achieve multiple orgasms. Anal sex is about being perceptive of your partner. I mean if you are a guy and want your woman to continue giving up the brown eye. Then please be perceptive. Yes, I said perceptive. Now I know that when your little penises are hard it is hard to think about anything else but listen. If your woman says ow and you’re in that hole. It’s not a pleasure ow. It means Muthafu@@a if you don’t get that thing out of there I may have to hurt you. Also women if you like anal or decide to try it, make sure your bum is fresh from the inside out. I don’t think your man wants his penis to smell of rotting garbage and yesterday’s lasagna. I'm just saying, while you broads think your poop smells like flowers it really smells like rotting carcasses.
For my ANo's I can truly understand why you don't want to do it. Some of the things I have heard were: But that's nasty. Well what if I shit on him? What if I have a gaping butt hole and when I laugh my poop just shoots out? Ok the last one was a stretch but even I laughed as I typed that out. All the concerns are definitely valid none the less.
I can't confirm nor deny my status on whether I am ANo or AnYes due to privacy reasons. I was just wondering how many of you are ANo or AnYes are. Explain why.....
You don’t have to post using your real name or a name I might recognize but seeing how many are on each side would be interesting.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Just my luck
Saturday I have the pleasure of attending my cousin's wedding. He is marrying an amazing woman but this is not what this entry is about. I want to talk about my life leading up to the wedding and how "lucky" I am.
Ok so when I got the invitation in like MAY I sent it out right away with my plus 1. I just knew I would have a date. I asked someone and my offer was accepted. 2 weeks before the wedding I got some bad news. My date forgot his family reunion was te same weekend as the wedding. I was intially upset but I had to be understanding. I mean it is his family reunion.
So I just knew I would find a replacement date because I am a pretty woman and an awesome date. Determined to find a new date I began to ask some of my friends. Well wouldnt you know all these bastards had to work. I mean why would working be more important than being my designated driver? I mean date. Just for the record the last question was retorical. Please do not text or inbox me why money is better than me.
So yesterday was my cut off day for letting my cousin's fiance know if i was going stag or with my plus 1. Well, I will be going stag and now i wont be able to drink. Just my luck.
So today is 4 days away from te wedding, although my date couldnt make it he did hook me up so i could get a pedi and mani. <3 He is such a sweetheart. So after work I am so excited and I make my way to the nail salon in my area which is usually awesome. As I drive up I see a sign that says they have a special from monday - wednesday. It was a great deal. So I figure with the left over money I could get my catepillars plucked.
So I get the pedicure and everything is going well. THen its time to get my eyebrows done. My son was all over the place and he ended up bumping the lady who ended up dropping wax in my eye lashes. While she was able to get the wax out of my eyeslashes, she couldn't fix my eyebrows that she jacked up. One of my eyebrows looks decent. The other one looks like What the fuck. I asked the other lady if there was any way to fix it she said, "yes you have to let it grow back" Just my luck.
I go to my son's grandmothers house and we are hanging out. Everything was great. Then my son gets dropped back off from his dad. The boyy stepped on my toe and messed it up. Just my luck.
At this rate I am going to hide under my blanket for the rest of the night. I am going to pray for tomorrow to go better.
Ok so when I got the invitation in like MAY I sent it out right away with my plus 1. I just knew I would have a date. I asked someone and my offer was accepted. 2 weeks before the wedding I got some bad news. My date forgot his family reunion was te same weekend as the wedding. I was intially upset but I had to be understanding. I mean it is his family reunion.
So I just knew I would find a replacement date because I am a pretty woman and an awesome date. Determined to find a new date I began to ask some of my friends. Well wouldnt you know all these bastards had to work. I mean why would working be more important than being my designated driver? I mean date. Just for the record the last question was retorical. Please do not text or inbox me why money is better than me.
So yesterday was my cut off day for letting my cousin's fiance know if i was going stag or with my plus 1. Well, I will be going stag and now i wont be able to drink. Just my luck.
So today is 4 days away from te wedding, although my date couldnt make it he did hook me up so i could get a pedi and mani. <3 He is such a sweetheart. So after work I am so excited and I make my way to the nail salon in my area which is usually awesome. As I drive up I see a sign that says they have a special from monday - wednesday. It was a great deal. So I figure with the left over money I could get my catepillars plucked.
So I get the pedicure and everything is going well. THen its time to get my eyebrows done. My son was all over the place and he ended up bumping the lady who ended up dropping wax in my eye lashes. While she was able to get the wax out of my eyeslashes, she couldn't fix my eyebrows that she jacked up. One of my eyebrows looks decent. The other one looks like What the fuck. I asked the other lady if there was any way to fix it she said, "yes you have to let it grow back" Just my luck.
I go to my son's grandmothers house and we are hanging out. Everything was great. Then my son gets dropped back off from his dad. The boyy stepped on my toe and messed it up. Just my luck.
At this rate I am going to hide under my blanket for the rest of the night. I am going to pray for tomorrow to go better.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Gili's Passion Secretz
Ok so many who know me know that I always like to promote my friends and support their success. Today I am promoting a friend of mine from high school named Gili. Yes it was a long time ago, so what? Well she is what they call a passion consultant. Ever wonder where I get my BOB's from? For those who dont know what BOB stands for or who he is, BOB is my Battery Operated Boyfriend aka vibrators. Well I get them from her.
While an occasional trip to adult store can be fun. It can feel kind of dirty especially when the dirty clerk behind the counter looks at what you are buying and gives you the pervy look. Once I discovered I could purchase my products in confidence well it changed my life.
Ok so here is how it works. You can go to her website which the link will be provided later or She can be contacted via telephone. You can order direct or you can set up what is called a passion party. A passion party is not an ORGY or a SEX party. She brings various products, lubes, games etc. You invite your friends over and she gives a presentation. While no one likes sitting through an hour of someone talking to them about stuff, this is actually fun.
You have some drinks on hand, listen and watch. I had the pleasure of sitting through one of her parties and she is one of the best consultants I have seen in action. Yes I AM A PERVERT. We have established that. So I have been to a few different parties before. Gili is extremely informative about all of the products her company provides and she is really fun. She really knows how to get the crowd to participate. ONCE AGAIN it is not an ORGY OR SEX PARTY.
Anyway, if you ever buy anything from her all her packages come in plain box and her address is the return address. So it is very discrete. When my packages come I can bring them in the house without my children knowing what's in the box, which of course is great for me. Those that know me know about the incident with my son finding my BOB. UGH!!! But I digress.
For more information about her products you can visit her website at
Her contact information is on there as well.
If you tell her popcorn popper referred you I get a discount on my next purchase. I’m just saying a new BOB would be nice. :)
While an occasional trip to adult store can be fun. It can feel kind of dirty especially when the dirty clerk behind the counter looks at what you are buying and gives you the pervy look. Once I discovered I could purchase my products in confidence well it changed my life.
Ok so here is how it works. You can go to her website which the link will be provided later or She can be contacted via telephone. You can order direct or you can set up what is called a passion party. A passion party is not an ORGY or a SEX party. She brings various products, lubes, games etc. You invite your friends over and she gives a presentation. While no one likes sitting through an hour of someone talking to them about stuff, this is actually fun.
You have some drinks on hand, listen and watch. I had the pleasure of sitting through one of her parties and she is one of the best consultants I have seen in action. Yes I AM A PERVERT. We have established that. So I have been to a few different parties before. Gili is extremely informative about all of the products her company provides and she is really fun. She really knows how to get the crowd to participate. ONCE AGAIN it is not an ORGY OR SEX PARTY.
Anyway, if you ever buy anything from her all her packages come in plain box and her address is the return address. So it is very discrete. When my packages come I can bring them in the house without my children knowing what's in the box, which of course is great for me. Those that know me know about the incident with my son finding my BOB. UGH!!! But I digress.
For more information about her products you can visit her website at
Her contact information is on there as well.
If you tell her popcorn popper referred you I get a discount on my next purchase. I’m just saying a new BOB would be nice. :)
It's only a penny
First, I apologize for not posting for the past 3 days. BUT IM BACK BITCHES :)
This morning I went to the Dunkin donuts to get a coffee and a roll. My normal Dunkin donuts drive up girl wasn't there. Now yes I am slightly neurotic and sometimes change makes me uneasy. So I drive around to pay and yes I am counting my pennies. I have a purse full of pennies that no one seems to want all at once. So if something is 3.64 I am paying those 4 cents in pennies.
So I hand the girl the money and one of the pennies drop (not to be confused with panties.)She says "Oh, its ok it's only a penny." I told her it wasn't ok and I gave her the penny. I know she was upset but I am not about to argue about 1 cent. She should be happy I was trying to pay.
Anyway I know a penny is only 1 cent but in my eyes it is still currency. 100 pennies give you a dollar. And yes it takes a long time to make that dollar out of pennies but its still money. I used to say oh it's only a penny until I got smart. The rich don't get rich by throwing away money. You have to start somewhere. Maybe once they are caking all that money a penny means nothing to them but on their road to riches every penny counted.
With knowing that, when you see a penny do you pick it up? Are you one of those people who don't think much of small currency? Why or why not?
This morning I went to the Dunkin donuts to get a coffee and a roll. My normal Dunkin donuts drive up girl wasn't there. Now yes I am slightly neurotic and sometimes change makes me uneasy. So I drive around to pay and yes I am counting my pennies. I have a purse full of pennies that no one seems to want all at once. So if something is 3.64 I am paying those 4 cents in pennies.
So I hand the girl the money and one of the pennies drop (not to be confused with panties.)She says "Oh, its ok it's only a penny." I told her it wasn't ok and I gave her the penny. I know she was upset but I am not about to argue about 1 cent. She should be happy I was trying to pay.
Anyway I know a penny is only 1 cent but in my eyes it is still currency. 100 pennies give you a dollar. And yes it takes a long time to make that dollar out of pennies but its still money. I used to say oh it's only a penny until I got smart. The rich don't get rich by throwing away money. You have to start somewhere. Maybe once they are caking all that money a penny means nothing to them but on their road to riches every penny counted.
With knowing that, when you see a penny do you pick it up? Are you one of those people who don't think much of small currency? Why or why not?
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